Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Practicing what we preach...

So this weekend, as I was avoiding writing one of 3 papers due this week, I started thinking about the tag line that I have at the end of my personal email and as a heading at the top of my blog...

"celebrate we will for life is short but sweet for certain..."

Why you ask? I don't know...distraction. But the point is, it made me realize that I'm not really living my life like it is short but sweet for certain. I worry about the future. I worry about the present. I worry about a lot of things that in the big scheme of things are small, insignificant matters. All that worrying is totally going to show up on my face some day. Probably when I'm 30.

So, in an effort to be bolder, live life more like I know I should, and to follow in a dear friend's footsteps, I'm going to start looking at life not as a race to the finish with no bruises or scars, but a journey that should be filled with lots of bruises and scars and life marks. Because the truth is, if you don't have those things when you die, then what did you really do?

Thursday, February 17, 2011

A farewell to my friend P......

Today is a hard day. Today I made the decision that it was time to delete Preston's contact information out of my phone. Time for me to acknowledge that he is truly gone and to celebrate his life instead of dwelling on the time that I've lost with him. It may seem like a small thing to hold onto someone's contact information, but every time I saw his name, I wanted to call him and talk to him. Only, I couldn't. So instead of feeling a warm touch in my heart because I was thinking of him fondly, I was feeling anger and hurt because he wasn't there for me to talk to.

Luckily, I had a small distraction and was able to delete his contact information while talking to a friend. I think it made it easier. When I drove in to work this morning, tears filled my eyes as I listened to one of my favorite songs, Just Breathe by Pearl Jam. It's a sad song anyway, but for some reason it made me think of P. From the very beginning, it seems to explain my feelings about death and losing my friend....

"yes I understand that every life must end...."

and continues...

"everything you gave and nothing you would take...."

I know that it was Preston's time to go and no matter what I did during those last few months of his life, ultimately, his life would end and he would be gone. I know that I'm lucky to have had him in my life for the time that I did.  I know the last words he heard from me were "I love you." But until today, it didn't feel like I was ready to let go of the anger and the hurt. I wasn't ready to delete his contact information because it meant accepting that my friend is gone.

But whether I accept it or not, the truth is, he is gone. He's been gone for almost 6 months. My life is forever changed by my friend Preston and there are things I'll do differently in my life going forward because of him. It'll never be okay that he's gone, but I can start focusing on celebrating the life that he lived instead of being angry about the life that he lost. I'll continue to miss him every day of forever but letting this small piece of him go feels like letting the love back in and turning off the hate. It may seem insignificant, but for me, today was a big day. Today was the day I was able to start celebrating my friendship instead of mourning it's loss.

"love you till I die........meet you on the other side."

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I'm a little bit quirky....

So I have this small obsession with a music group that I am fortunate to see in concert next Tuesday night.
The thing about this music group is they sing in a different language. A language that I don't speak. Small problem, yes? But I LOVE, I mean, LOOOOOOOOOVE to rock out to them. Who is the different language speaking-totally awesome rock out music group, you ask? Why, the Gipsy Kings of course!

Tee hee. Okay, granted, they sing in Spanish, and my grandmother speaks Spanish, there are some words that I can catch and sort of figure out what the song is about. But mostly, I like the music. The guitar is....breathtaking and the combination of beats and instruments makes my soul dance. I love them. Pure and simple.

I cannot wait to see them next Tuesday. It's almost like a life's dream come true. My heart is happy and my soul is ready to dance!


I think music in itself is healing. It's an explosive expression of humanity. It's something we are all touched by. No matter what culture we're from, everyone loves music.
Billy Joel

Monday, February 14, 2011

Thank Buddha for antibiotics!

Here's the good news: my tiredness is not due to some miraculous baby, or to something weird, but apparently it's due to having strep throat. Again. For the 4th time since August. Here's the bad news: it KEEPS HAPPENING!

WHAT THE HELL UNIVERSE? WHY ARE YOU PICKING ON ME?

I'd like to say that there's a great reason for me getting strep and sinus infections so much, but I really think it boils down to my body being jacked up. I take vitamins. I work out occassionally (more when I'm not sick) and I don't put bad things into my body. But let's face, a crack whore is healthier than me! It's just not fair!

So, here's my message to the unvierse:

Dear Universe,

Please attack someone else. Please give strep and sinus infections and shingles and all the other weird shit that you've given me to someone else. Someone more deserving, like a crack whore or a pimp. I've really had my fun and I'm ready to be well, I think I can handle it. Thanks for the gifts, but I'm really overwhelmed with the amount you've given me these past few months. Please, share the wealth with others. I won't mind.

Always yours,

tiffany

Here's hoping the universe is in a good mood today!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Proper Symphony Etiquette

For those of you who don't know, dad and I have season tickets to the symphony.  We both love (and I mean LOVE) classical music and are fortunate enough to live in a city with an excellent symphony orchestra.

That being said, Saturday was one of the worst experiences I've had at the symphony and it was in no part the fault of the orchestra or the conductor. It was the patrons.

There is one really big rule about going to the symphony and that rule is to shut your damn mouth when the music is playing. Dad and I had to sit in different seats than we normally do because we had to switch nights of our concert due to bad weather and show cancellations. I have never been more sad to see someone else in my seats!

There were two couples who sat on our row, probably the same age as me, maybe a few years older. THEY WHISPERED TO EACH OTHER THE ENTIRE TIME. During the first performance, it was kind of okay because it was really focused on percussion and so the noise from the instruments drowned out a lot of the squeaking from the mouths of the noisy patrons. However, the second piece was much quieter and I literally wanted to go down the aisle and punch them in the face. Thankfully, the person sitting next to the guy on one end couldn't take it anymore either and told him to shut the f up. I'm hoping he said "You're the rudest person I've ever met, now shut the fuck up!"  But it was probably nicer than that.

So, if you ever plan to visit the symphony, go knowing that you should not speak during the performance. And, go knowing that you should arrive early so that you're not squeaking your way to your seat in the middle of the performance. This also helps because sometimes, they won't let you in. OH, and on top of everything else, make sure you wait to clap until the entire piece has been played. Not just a pause in between the movements. It's amateur.

"Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul.”