So far, 28 years have been amazing.

My birthday is coming up, in June, and as I sat thinking about it this morning, I realized that with the 28th year of my life, comes the 11th year of having my husband in my life. 11 years. Insane. I don't remember when we officially met the first time....he was critiquing my swim stroke, I know that, but I do know that I was out of town for a while and when I came back, I saw him again on my birthday. June 11. I met some friends at the local YMCA to go out for my birthday, and he was there, practicing with his band. His band mates begrudgingly convinced him to sing Happy Birthday for me and the rest is as they say, history.

Sure, those first years were hard. We were in and out of a relationship together as we tried to figure out the other people in our lives. But, I wouldn't trade one minute of our life together. Because all the people in our lives have made us who we are today. And besides, who knows at 17 that the person they are falling for is destined to be the love of their life? ;)

Amazing how time flies. I never thought 11 years would get here. But here it is, and I still remember the butterflies and heartbeat skips this man caused for me all that time ago.

Honestly, turning 28 is pretty amazing. As I look back on my short life, there are so many wonderfully fantastic memories. Sure 11 years of it includes my amazing husband, but the first 17 include my amazing family and friends. I wouldn't trade one day of my life for anything and I know that I am incredibly lucky to have the had 28 years that I've had. So, on June 11, raise your glasses and toast to my birthday. ;) Here's to another 28 amazing years of life with all of you in it. 

"Love at first sight is easy to understand. It's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle."
-Amy Bloom

*pitter patter pitter patter*

 

Protein and Carrots....

It's been a while, sorry. Life is life and sometimes it gets busy. These past few weeks have been like that.

So, how about an update? I feel like I eat protein non-stop! When in doubt, grab a protein shake. When hungry and it's not quite meal time, eat a protein bar! PROTEIN! PROTEIN! PROTEIN! I felt like one of those infomercial people just now. Weird.

So we're eating healthy, and it's hard. It's hard to plan ALL OF YOUR MEALS for the week on the day you go to the grocery store. I mean, what if you decide you just don't want tofu Wednesday night? Switch to chicken? Thankfully my freezer is overstocked with meats so that shouldn't be a problem. Fresh veggies? That's another beast all together.

Working out is ho hum. It needs to be more consistient for me, at least, but the weeks at work have been crazy and I don't always get the chance to run off and get in a hour+ workout. But I'm trying. That's what counts, right?

Anyway, here are my words of wisdom for today....


"sweat is your fat crying" as seen on a vehicle in the West Plano side of town. (It was like a Mercedes or something with this big ass sticker all over it. Good times!)

Hope all is well with you loves.

They certainly don't prepare you for years like this...

I keep thinking back on all the classes I've taken in my life, all of the studying I've done, and all of the things I've crammed into my brain. And of all that, none of it is meant to help you deal with the loss of someone you love. None of it. There are no prep courses for it, there are no courses to take afterwards to learn how to deal. Sure, you can talk to a therapist or someone close to you, but it's not the same. It's healing in a different way. In the end, it's still you who has to put in the work and you who has to learn to grieve in your own way. It's unfair. It's totally unfair. And we're just stuck. Floating through life and having to experience these incredibly painful events so we can learn and grow and find our way out of the grief and back to the normalcy.

I read a story today about a young couple who met in college. After settling down together and making a life for themselves, they found out that one of them had a very rare form of cancer. You can read about most of it here.  But the jist of it is this...at 25, she lost the one person she loved more than anything in this world to a cancer that couldn't be defeated. The salt in the wound? He died six weeks after they got married. When I read the story and watched the videos that are attached, my heart sank. 6 weeks. 6 weeks of wedded bliss and part of that was spent in the hospital, with her husband's organs shutting down one by one.

It's hard to lose those we love who are in their 60s and 70s. Even in their 50s. But to lose your husband at 25? Unimaginable. I respect her and commend her for her bravery and courage to go through such a difficult time with a positive outlook and beautiful smile. And I pray that she finds happiness again.

Life is so incredibly short. It can literally fade from you in an instant. Whether it's a battle or something that comes naturally while you sleep, it only takes a matter of seconds for you to depart this world. I think I take that for granted on most days. I float through life with a nonchalant attitude and think that I'll be here tomorrow and the next day and for the next 25 years. But the truth is, I may not. And that's hard to swallow. Even more so when I think that my husband may not be here for the next 25 years. The remedy? I'm not sure. I could say something cliche like 'live life to the fullest' but what does that even mean? Instead, I'm going to live my life the way I think I should. And if that means spending all my money on things I want instead of days I may not see, so be it. If it means calling my husband 12 times a day just to hear his voice, so be it. Each of us has to find our own happiness and our own way to live our lives.

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” 
- Mark Twain

Funny how 7 months can change your life...

Jim and Frank in one of my favorite pictures.

Yesterday,. without any warning at all, we lost another dear friend, Frank. Frank was Jim's best friend and to say that they were two peas in a pod is an understatement. They were DESTINED to be friends. It was shocking enough to lose Jim, but then to turn around and lose Frank a mere 7 months later is devastating.

I have no words to describe the hole in my heart that these two amazing men have left. But I know that if I grow up to be even just a little bit like them, I'm a better person for it.

Farewell my loves. I'll see you again.

For Frank:


For Jim: YMCA

And for both of my loves, gone too early.


And for me....because I love them so.


"some are dead and some are living....in my life.....I've loved them all.."

Music......and RIP Levon Helm

I've said it about 4,000 times, but music is an important part of my life. It can lift me up when I'm feeling bad, or soothe my soul when I'm in despair. It's something I treasure dearly and I am proud that I'm not specific to one genre when I listen to music.

Levon Helm, age 71, passed away this week. And this is one of the songs I love that features him on drums and as a singer. Enjoy.



"He was my bosom buddy friend to the end, one of the last true great spirits of my or any other generation. This is just so sad to talk about. I still can remember the first day I met him and the last day I saw him. We go back pretty far and had been through some trials together. I’m going to miss him, as I’m sure a whole lot of others will too.”
-Bob Dylan