My friend Jim passed away on Sunday at about 12:20AM. I'm heartbroken, but at peace because I know that he would never have been the same had he ever gotten out of the hospital and I know that he hated every minute of being intubated and sedated, lying in a hospital bed.
His wife has asked me to speak at his service. Which is an amazing honor and one I will not take lightly, but I'm having a really hard time summing up what he meant to me. He was my mentor. My "adopted dad". And my friend. And for 23 years of my life he played such a big role that trimming it down to just 5 or 10 minutes seems to be an injustice. But, at the same time, I know that he would hate for me to get up there and dote on him for 30 minutes!
It's weird. You know, when people are living, we hardly ever think about what we would say about them if they passed. And then when we're gone, it's like we can't find the right words. Guess that's kind of the bitterness of death. You always feel like you could have enjoyed a moment with them a little bit more, stayed in that moment a little bit longer, or found the words to tell them what they meant to you before they were gone.
Luckily, I know that Jim loved me and he knew how much I loved him. That's something he taught me: ;love is the greatest gift and we should share it with the world. So I'm going to live my life in that way - loving those around me without fail and teaching others how to love. You never know how much time you have on this earth, and living in hate is just far too difficult. But living in love? Ahh, now that's rewarding.
Rest in peace my dear sweet friend. I know I'll see you again when my life here is through. I'll miss you every day of forever.
Showing posts with label Jim update. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jim update. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Let it be.....
Here is the most information I have on the moment about my friend Jim.
Yesterday, I went to the hospital just to check in and was planning on staying about 20 minutes. When I walked in, his wife was crying and they told me that they were in the process of re-intubating him. Apparently, yesterday had not been a good day. He had done some exercises in the morning, but between about 2:00PM and 4:00PM, he started taking a turn down a dangerous path.
He couldn't breathe and he was very confused. He has been confused for the past few days, since coming off the ventillator on Sunday. We all thought that the medicine was reacting with him and was just taking a time to leave his system and clear his mind. But yesterday, he wasn't any better. He was asking for friends to call 911 and to get him help. The thing is, physically, until yesterday afternoon, he was doing pretty well. The nurses were impressed with his improvements and felt like he was doing remarkably well for someone in his position. Other than being convinced that he wasn't doing well, he was on what seemed to be the right path.
After they intubated him again yesterday afternoon, he wasn't responding the way that they had wanted him to. He was still breathing very heavily and they couldn't get him to rest. Which is part of the reason why they went ahead and re-intubated him, to give his body some rest. So, they were working to chemically calm him down and get his numbers all back on track. He is supposed to have a tracheotomy today to allow for a breathing tube directly in his trach which would lead to less sedation and more flexibility. But, with his numbers being as bad as they were last night, they weren't sure if they were going to go through with it this morning. I'm not sure where we stand with that at this moment.
I believe that the doctors believe that he can and will make it through this rough patch. It's possible that his body just needs more time to recover from the acute onset of the IPF. (idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis). He's fighting and that's good. He hasn't been Jim since he woke up on Sunday. He's been very scared and confused and talking about death. He spoke about it before he was ventilated and that was more him. He was very calm about it and matter of fact. This Jim is almost child like.
I keep reminding myself of the Beatles song 'Let it Be'. I know that there is nothing I can do for him other than pray and support his family through this extremely difficult time. But it is so hard to see him lying there and to hear him begging you not to leave the room because he's scared. It's funny the way the mind can betray us so quickly.
Please pray for or send your positive vibes and good karma to my friend Jim. I'm going to be praying for whatever is best, even though that's not necessarily what I want to pray for. I'd much rather pray that he walks out of the hospital in the next few days and returns to the Jim I know and love so much.
"When I find myself in trouble, Mother Mary comes to me....speaking words of wisdom 'let it be'
'let it be, let it be. there will be an answer let it be'"
- The Beatles
Yesterday, I went to the hospital just to check in and was planning on staying about 20 minutes. When I walked in, his wife was crying and they told me that they were in the process of re-intubating him. Apparently, yesterday had not been a good day. He had done some exercises in the morning, but between about 2:00PM and 4:00PM, he started taking a turn down a dangerous path.
He couldn't breathe and he was very confused. He has been confused for the past few days, since coming off the ventillator on Sunday. We all thought that the medicine was reacting with him and was just taking a time to leave his system and clear his mind. But yesterday, he wasn't any better. He was asking for friends to call 911 and to get him help. The thing is, physically, until yesterday afternoon, he was doing pretty well. The nurses were impressed with his improvements and felt like he was doing remarkably well for someone in his position. Other than being convinced that he wasn't doing well, he was on what seemed to be the right path.
After they intubated him again yesterday afternoon, he wasn't responding the way that they had wanted him to. He was still breathing very heavily and they couldn't get him to rest. Which is part of the reason why they went ahead and re-intubated him, to give his body some rest. So, they were working to chemically calm him down and get his numbers all back on track. He is supposed to have a tracheotomy today to allow for a breathing tube directly in his trach which would lead to less sedation and more flexibility. But, with his numbers being as bad as they were last night, they weren't sure if they were going to go through with it this morning. I'm not sure where we stand with that at this moment.
I believe that the doctors believe that he can and will make it through this rough patch. It's possible that his body just needs more time to recover from the acute onset of the IPF. (idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis). He's fighting and that's good. He hasn't been Jim since he woke up on Sunday. He's been very scared and confused and talking about death. He spoke about it before he was ventilated and that was more him. He was very calm about it and matter of fact. This Jim is almost child like.
I keep reminding myself of the Beatles song 'Let it Be'. I know that there is nothing I can do for him other than pray and support his family through this extremely difficult time. But it is so hard to see him lying there and to hear him begging you not to leave the room because he's scared. It's funny the way the mind can betray us so quickly.
Please pray for or send your positive vibes and good karma to my friend Jim. I'm going to be praying for whatever is best, even though that's not necessarily what I want to pray for. I'd much rather pray that he walks out of the hospital in the next few days and returns to the Jim I know and love so much.
"When I find myself in trouble, Mother Mary comes to me....speaking words of wisdom 'let it be'
'let it be, let it be. there will be an answer let it be'"
- The Beatles
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