Some of you know this because you're my real life friends and we've talked about it. Some of my internet friends may not know yet, so here it goes.
Last weekend, my sister lost her baby. She developed pre-eclampsia, a condition in which the mother's body basically attacks the placenta and breaks it down until the baby can no longer survive, or until the mother gets so sick, that the baby has to be terminated. She was six months pregnant. At six months, you have to deliver the baby. Last weekend was one of the worst weekends of my life.
I wanted to trade places with her. I wanted to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be alright, even though I knew it wasn't and I knew that she was going through the worst time in her life.
She's getting stronger every day. I won't say that she's getting better, because she's not. She'll never be better. She is forever changed as is my family, as am I. We all lost someone we dearly loved that day regardless of his age. My nephew, my sweet baby nephew was lost to me that day and my life will forever be different.
We're in the process now of planning for his memorial service. He was creamted because none of us could bare to see him in a coffin built for a tiny king. I'm not sure when the service will be or where, but it will be the second hardest time in my life, I'm almost positive.
I keep reminding myself that this probably saved my sister's life. That my sweet nephew sacrificed his life so that my sister could live and so that she would know what to look for with her next pregnancies. It doesn't make it any easier to think of this terrible event in my life in thsoe terms. It doesn't bring my sweet baby nephew back to me.
I'm not sure how much more I can survive.
There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.
~Author Unknown
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