Holy panic attack, Batman!

Soooo last week was not so great. It started out like any other normal week, but about Wednesday, things took a very dramatic turn for the anxious.

Wednesday, during my workout, I started feeling like my heart was beating more rapidly then it normally did and I just wasn't feeling that awesome. Overall, I felt like something was wrong. I wasn't sure what and thought it might have to do with the fact that I had a 5 hour energy that day and had stayed up late the night before. But, I'd had 5 hour energies before and never had this kind of reaction. Plus, according to the pint sized bottle, it's equivalent to 1 cup of coffee...so that didn't make any sense.

Wednesday night was just off. I just didn't feel right though I couldn't pinpoint what was wrong exactly. When I tried to go to bed, I felt like my entire body had restless leg syndrome. I COULD NOT get to sleep. I spent about 2 hours tossing and turning and sitting up and trying to take 10 deep breaths. I knew something was wrong when I couldn't get past 3 or 4 deep breaths. Finally, my hubby came in the bedroom, expecting me to be asleep, and was shocked to see me sitting up on the side of the bed. He asked what was wrong and I explained everything to him. His suggestion was to lie down together and him put pressure on me by squeezing me tight. I like to think it was kind of like this. The pressure helped ease the tension in my body and I was able to fall asleep.

The next morning, I woke up thinking that everything was great. But, I was still feeling more anxious than normal. But, by about 8:30 I knew that was not the case. I was tense. I was panicked and I knew that I was having a repeat of the night before. I texted a friend who happens to be a therapist and she called me and talked me through the worst of the attack. She encouraged me to call the doctor, which was already on my list, so that I could get a pill for the severe anxiety that I was clearly experiencing. So, I did and a quick visit to the doctor and the pharmacist took away the worst of the anxiety.

The thing that sucked the most about these two incidents is that I hadn't had a panic attack in so long that I was absolutely terrified. The anxiety took hold of me and my fear of the situation and what was happening to my body was off the charts. The worst part? I don't even know what triggered the attacks. Granted, most people can't pinpoint their anxiety to one situation or another, it's more of an overall anxious feeling, but it was absolutely debiliitating. If it wasn't the anxiety and panic making it impossible for me to function, it was the shear terror combined with not having any control over my thoughts or feelings.

Yup, last week was tough. But the weekend proved to be better and was somewhat low key resulting in a panic attack free weekend. Hopefully, that's the new trend.

Thank goodness for a hubby who "thundershirts"

Just one of those days...

See the thing about depression is this: some days are significantly harder than others no matter what you do.
Today is one of those days.

All in all, it's actually been a pretty good day. I got up relatively on time. Have eaten really well today and just got in a kick ass work out that could have knocked me on my ass, but I didn't let it. Overall, I should be swimming in happiness. But I'm not. And it's not something that I can necessarily put my finger on. Instead, it's just an "off" feeling.

I woke up missing my friend Preston for who knows why. I had a dream that I had forgotten he was gone and then his sister had to call and remind me. I've had dreams about him before that didn't necessarily result in my missing him even more, but this morning was different. And then I started thinking about my friend Jim. And that made it even harder.

But that's happened before and hasn't necessarily triggered an increase in my depressed state. Today is just off.

To top it all off, I've been feeling extra tired lately. And of course, exhaustion can cause depression. But depression can cause exhaustion. So it's hard to tell which came first. It's the chicken and egg conundrum if you will....hard to tell which came first...

Through all of this, there is one that I know undeniably and that is that there will be another day after today and it probably won't be an off day. It'll probably be a normal, happy day. So, it's just a matter of getting through today, feeling a little off and making it through. Hour by hour, day by day.

"Some days are for living. Others are for getting through"
Malcolm S Forbes

Sparta what???????????

I'm working out again. It sucks. I'm sore. I've been using the handicapped stall at work so I can literally just fall down on the toilet....

But, since I am having so much fun I thought I would share some of the work outs with you guys. I know, I'm so super generous. It's insane.

The first one came out in 2010 I believe and it's what we call "Spartacus". Actually, Men's Health calls it Spartacus so it's not really a name we gave it. Anyway, you can find it here. And a PDF version here for you to print.

The second one is a revamp of the original Spartacus and is appropriately dubbed Spartacus 2.0. I haven't done this one yet but am doing it later today. I'll let you know how bad it sucks.

You can find it here. And a PDF version for you to print here.

So, try it out. You never know what kind of body might be waiting for you around the corner. When I am successful at shedding all this extra poundage and getting back to Tiffany circa age 18, I'll share my success story with you. Until then, use your imagination.

Happy endorphins! Maybe one day we'll all look like this:

I mean, I could go for less abs on me, personally. But if the hubs started rocking this bod, I would not be sad. :)

Umm, I can't feel my legs....

So this is me.....attempting to be healthier and not be pregnant (which would be counter productive to healthy) and work out more consistently and possibly lose some weight in the process. The goal of course is to be healthier overall, the weight loss is hopefully the bonus.

So....Monday....I ran. I'm working with my boss who is helping me find the right workout routine and it's been good so far, except really hard. Monday I did interval running. Basically, I warmed up for jogging for 5 minutes. Then (on the treadmill of course) I bumped it up to 6 (faster if you're more in shape than me). Ran at 6 for 1 minute. Then down to 5, then down to 4, for one minute each. Then back up to 6 and repeat the cycle. The goal was 25 minutes. I made it 22 before I thought my heart was going to explode. And I may or may not have taken a few 30 second breathers because I was so out of breath I felt like flying off the treadmill.

But, the point is, I did it. I got in 22 minutes of mostly solid running. It was a good step in the right direction.

Tuesday - stomach bug. You don't want to know the details.

Wednesday...supposed to work out with friends but they are both at home with or recovering from said stomach bug. Went to boss to get game plan. He says SPARTACUS 11:00 AM be there.

Let me just tell you...I've done this before. Like 2 times because, it's not easy. there's no breaks and you have to keep going for 60 second intervals. It's hard. The thought of doing it the day after having a stomach bug that about ripped my insides out.. exciting nauseating. But, the good news my sweet blog followers I DID IT. I didn't make it through 3 rounds like everyone else, but I did push it till it hurt in 2 rounds and that my friends, is something I am proud of.

If you're looking for a good circuit workout --- give it a try. It's hard. And there are definitely ways to make it harder...up your weights..modify the movements to make them more intense.

Here's hoping I can walk tomorrow because I'm kind of already having a hard time feeling my legs....

"The Greeks understood that mind and body must develop in harmonious proportions to produce a creative intelligence. And so did the most brilliant intelligence of our earliest days - Thomas Jefferson - when he said, not less than two hours a day should be devoted to exercise. If the man who wrote the Declaration of Independence, was Secretary of State, and twice President, could give it two hours, our children can give it ten or fifteen minutes. (Address to the National Football Foundations, 5 Dec 1961)"
- John F Kennedy

Check this out...

I just wanted to post something funny to go along with the depression post.

I think it's funny that the most hits on my blog come from the fat baby mouse post....

apparently including "fat baby mouse" and "hamstermouse" in your tag lines really helps!!

ha ha ha ha you people really need to start searching for better things!!!