November is all about giving thanks....

So,  a lot of people are using this month and each day within this month to list what they are thankful for.

My blog has been slightly Debby Downer this month so I thought I'd go ahead and list out what I've come up with these past 9 days.

Here it is:

1. This song: By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North
2. My niece's karate kick through the belly of my very pregnant sister and into my hand! 
3. My friend who very lovingly guided me through my panic attacks
4. Seat warmers! And laughter!
5. A very special lady who takes time to put others first
6. New life!!! 
7. Good friends who you can watch sporting events with!
8. My hubby and downtime made for relaxing with him
9. My co-workers

That's it! All 9 days written down in a nice, little note!

What are you guys thankful for this month?

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.  ~Epictetus

Just one of those days...

See the thing about depression is this: some days are significantly harder than others no matter what you do.
Today is one of those days.

All in all, it's actually been a pretty good day. I got up relatively on time. Have eaten really well today and just got in a kick ass work out that could have knocked me on my ass, but I didn't let it. Overall, I should be swimming in happiness. But I'm not. And it's not something that I can necessarily put my finger on. Instead, it's just an "off" feeling.

I woke up missing my friend Preston for who knows why. I had a dream that I had forgotten he was gone and then his sister had to call and remind me. I've had dreams about him before that didn't necessarily result in my missing him even more, but this morning was different. And then I started thinking about my friend Jim. And that made it even harder.

But that's happened before and hasn't necessarily triggered an increase in my depressed state. Today is just off.

To top it all off, I've been feeling extra tired lately. And of course, exhaustion can cause depression. But depression can cause exhaustion. So it's hard to tell which came first. It's the chicken and egg conundrum if you will....hard to tell which came first...

Through all of this, there is one that I know undeniably and that is that there will be another day after today and it probably won't be an off day. It'll probably be a normal, happy day. So, it's just a matter of getting through today, feeling a little off and making it through. Hour by hour, day by day.

"Some days are for living. Others are for getting through"
Malcolm S Forbes

Umm, I can't feel my legs....

So this is me.....attempting to be healthier and not be pregnant (which would be counter productive to healthy) and work out more consistently and possibly lose some weight in the process. The goal of course is to be healthier overall, the weight loss is hopefully the bonus.

So....Monday....I ran. I'm working with my boss who is helping me find the right workout routine and it's been good so far, except really hard. Monday I did interval running. Basically, I warmed up for jogging for 5 minutes. Then (on the treadmill of course) I bumped it up to 6 (faster if you're more in shape than me). Ran at 6 for 1 minute. Then down to 5, then down to 4, for one minute each. Then back up to 6 and repeat the cycle. The goal was 25 minutes. I made it 22 before I thought my heart was going to explode. And I may or may not have taken a few 30 second breathers because I was so out of breath I felt like flying off the treadmill.

But, the point is, I did it. I got in 22 minutes of mostly solid running. It was a good step in the right direction.

Tuesday - stomach bug. You don't want to know the details.

Wednesday...supposed to work out with friends but they are both at home with or recovering from said stomach bug. Went to boss to get game plan. He says SPARTACUS 11:00 AM be there.

Let me just tell you...I've done this before. Like 2 times because, it's not easy. there's no breaks and you have to keep going for 60 second intervals. It's hard. The thought of doing it the day after having a stomach bug that about ripped my insides out.. exciting nauseating. But, the good news my sweet blog followers I DID IT. I didn't make it through 3 rounds like everyone else, but I did push it till it hurt in 2 rounds and that my friends, is something I am proud of.

If you're looking for a good circuit workout --- give it a try. It's hard. And there are definitely ways to make it harder...up your weights..modify the movements to make them more intense.

Here's hoping I can walk tomorrow because I'm kind of already having a hard time feeling my legs....

"The Greeks understood that mind and body must develop in harmonious proportions to produce a creative intelligence. And so did the most brilliant intelligence of our earliest days - Thomas Jefferson - when he said, not less than two hours a day should be devoted to exercise. If the man who wrote the Declaration of Independence, was Secretary of State, and twice President, could give it two hours, our children can give it ten or fifteen minutes. (Address to the National Football Foundations, 5 Dec 1961)"
- John F Kennedy

Check this out...

I just wanted to post something funny to go along with the depression post.

I think it's funny that the most hits on my blog come from the fat baby mouse post....

apparently including "fat baby mouse" and "hamstermouse" in your tag lines really helps!!

ha ha ha ha you people really need to start searching for better things!!!

A little thing called depression....

So Dooce's post here made me think about my depression and what it's been like these past few months. Typically, when things get tougher in my life, and my energy gets stripped away, my depression wavers and gets a little bit worse. Lately, though, that hasn't really been the case.

Instead, things have been pretty even kelter and not much has been happening. Overall, I've been able to focus on the positives in my life and have put my attention towards those instead of getting "down in the dumps." But her post made me realize that while the seasons don't necessarily affect me in the same way they do some, my depression definitely takes the course of ugly monster for no reason whatsoever.

I know that some people get into ruts where they feel more depressed on a regular basis during certain times of the year or months of their lives. Mine is slightly more random than that. As in, I'll wake up one day feeling 1,000x worse than the day before and have no good reason for why. I could say "Oh, I just slept on the wrong side of the bed. Ha ha." But, the truth is, I know that it's more than that. I know that it's more about the fact that my mind is a beautiful monster that rears it's ugly side sometimes and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. Sure, I can force myself about of bed and force myself to get through the day, but that's about it. And even then, I can act happy and cheerful, but there's still this dark cloud of gloom that hangs over my head. And there's no reason for it other than that's the way my body is feeling that day. It sucks.

The good news in all of this? Depression is getting easier to talk about. And by getting easier to talk about I mean that it's becoming more accepted and people are realizing that being affected by depression the same as having, say diabetes. It's a disease. It happens. To more people than most realize, I would dare to say.

So if you know someone who is depressed, then reach out to them. Let them know that if they need to talk (even if it doesn't make any sense to you) that you're available and willing to give them an ear. It might be a complete nonsense rambling session, but at least you're letting them talk about it. Because honestly, pretending like it doesn't exist or is taboo is just dumb in 2011. And it's almost 2012. Time to get out of our closets and talk about things that happen to real people.

I'm here to help too. If you're reading this and you want to chat, leave a comment and I'll get in touch with you. There are better days. This is not the worst day just because it's not the best.

Hang in there buttercups!