Final Goodbyes

my "dad" playing washers 7/4/11

Friday afternoon, we held a service for my friend Jim. Never in my wildest dreams would I think that at this point in my life, I would be standing up in front of hundreds of people, saying goodbye to one of my most treasured friends. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

Part of the difficulty was coming up with the right things to say about my friend. I didn't want to short change him, and I didn't want to be too long winded. I wanted it to be the perfect length and the perfect message. I wrote about 12 different versions and opted for a shorter one because I knew that I was barely going to make it through. The first speaker did an amazing job. She talked about her time with Jim and the young children of the church. She talked about how Jim would care for the children of his Sunday School class from the time they were 4 and on. And how he treasured them the rest of their lives.

I was second but I'll skip my speech to tell you about the other 3. Jim's friend Frank got up and did an amazing job sending off his best friend. He talked about the talent show act they had done for so many years. And he talked about the fun stuff, the trips to the river, the washer tournaments, and how Jim was truly a brother to him. He was followed by Jim's son Chris who did such an awesome job, I was in awe. He eloquently described his dad to a "t" and gave such a heart felt speech it was hard not to bawl. Chris was followed by another long time friend, Rick. Rick and Jim were long time friends and skiers and they often skied just the two of them (while their wives stayed in and slept or shopped :) ) They would have long conversations about life and everything in between on the mountaintops in Lake Tahoe. He spoke of what Jim would want us to remember even though we're all going to miss him so very much. He started with a poem that resonated with me because it's so very true. (I'm not too happy with her website, but you can find it here.) It essentially talks about living the "dash" between your birth date and your date of death on your tombstone. It's a wonderful poem.

My speech was second, as I said. I had practiced it a million times and knew the words forwards and backwards. I thought for sure I would be able to get up in the pulpit, and say it without sobbing and without falling apart. I have never been more wrong in my life. I cried the entire time. I would try to stop and then would get to another part of the speech and cry some more. I felt terrible because it was not the tribute I wanted to give, but I simply could not stand reading the final words of my great friend. I was heartbroken. Luckily, everyone seemed to have received it well and complimented me on my speech, but I wish I could have cried a little less and smiled a little bit more.

I am honored and thankful that I was asked to speak at his service. And I'm proud of myself for doing it. I am terribly saddened by the fact that I said my final words of goodbye to my "adopted dad" on Friday, but I know I'll still speak to him and feel his presence throughout my life. I'll miss him terribly, but he'll always be with me because I was lucky enough to make a lifetime of memories with him.

I used this quote when Preston passed away and it's still true today. I read it often and remember the goo instead of the bad.

"...when you are sorrowful look again to your heart, and you shall see that in truth, you are weeping for that which has been your delight."
-Kahlil Gibran

Rest in peace my love. I'll be seeing you.