I've done a lot of soul searching these past few weeks and I've come to realize one ultimate truth: life doesn't always lead where we think it might or where we think it should.
Let me explain. There are forces at work in my life that are seriously testing me. Testing my strength, my courage, and my faith. Testing my ability to remain positive in the face of negativity. Testing the bonds in my life to both my family, my friends, and my extended church family.
Some of the realizations that I've come to, I think I've danced around before and just haven't fully committed to them. But some of them have been pleasant surprises that have made me realize how incredibly lucky I've been to have some amazing people surrounding me. I've had friends in my life step up in ways I didn't ever think they would. Friends who have simply known it was a bad day and shown up just to give me a hug or called for a lunch date to give me a hug. Friends who warm embraces have saved me on more than one occasion. The bond between us has grown so much stronger and I feel so lucky that I've gotten to know them better, albeit through one of the more difficult times in my life.
My church family has always been amazing. One person told me once that the amazing thing about a community of faith is that someone will pray for you when you no longer have the strength to pray for yourself. And it's true. I know that my church family knows how difficult it has been for me to have Jim in the hospital and going through so many bad days. But in my moments of absolute despair, I've felt something come over me. Something peaceful and calming. And I truly believe that it's their prayers coming through at a time when I need them the most.
I'm not sure what the ultimate plan is for me during this time or for my dear sweet Jim But I think part of the plan has been showing me people who are going to be more permanent fixtures in my life and people who I should be surrounding myself with. People who build my faith and strengthen my beliefs. People who have shown up to hug me when I needed the hug the most. I'm blessed to have such an amazing family and "family". I sometimes forget that because things get hard and I want to focus on those things instead, but I'm going to start making a better effort to focus on the positive things. Like the amazing people in my life who have been there for me these past few weeks.
"Families are the compass that guide us. They are the inspiration to reach great heights, and our comfort when we occasionally falter."
~ Brad Henry ~
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