The meaning of life...

It's been a really tough week for my church family. We lost a beloved member last Sunday and then two more this Monday. It's hard because you grow these relationships over the course of your life and the people you share your time with every week really do become like family. And then, just as with everyone, their time on this earth ends and you're left grieving.

I saw a sign on the way to work today that said "Life is a one time offer; treat it well" and it made thing "Dang, that's so true." You only get one shot at this life. And then that made me start thinking about what kind of stamp I'm leaving on the world. Will people remember me the way I want them to? Or will the remember me as a mean person who didn't like anyone?

Throughout the course of my adult life, I've tried to do charitable things and give to those who are less fortunate than I am. But I also try not to boast about it because that seems pointless. But it makes you wonder if the things you do are noticed by anyone at all. And if they're not, does that really matter?

I don't know what all the answers to life are, but I figure even if nothing I do in this world is ever noticed or is always taken for granted, that's okay because at the end of the day, maybe something I did will change someone's life.

My friend Janet once introduced me to this quote a few years ago, and it makes my heart happy and has been a sort of mantra for me ever since. I hope you see the value of it and try to live your life the way you should -- or the way you feel you should.

"the true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit"
- nelson Henderson

Welcome to Migraine City, I'm your Mayor

Wow. Long time, huh? I guess the most recent and probably ONLY thing that has really been going on with me lately is a bunch of migraines. And by bunch, I mean like 1 a day. Which is insane. In the big scheme of things, I should get about 2 a month. Not 30.

Two weeks ago, I had a migraine for 6 days. 6 days. That's almost a whole week, ladies and gents. I ended up going to the ER that week to get a shot to try and break the cycle. It helped, but mostly for that day and the next. I had a few headaches after that, and have basically had a headache every day since.

Here are a few answers to your most obvious questions:

1. Is it a brain tumor?
1. No. Not that they can tell. Nothing shows up on the CT scan
2. Is there something wrong with your sinuses?
1. Nope. Not since the tonsillectomy is there something wrong with those.
3. Are you sure they're migraines?
1. Yep. Once you have one, you'll know. And once the only thing that works is stabbing a needle pen into your leg, you'll know they're migraines.
4. What are you doing to help?
1. Well, for starters, I recruited the help of a new neurologist who happens to specialize in headaches.
1. She's given me a preventative medication which seems to be helping most of the time. Except that whole week that I now refer to as "migraine-gate."  However, with her help, I've gotten to part 2 of this equation which is..
2. I've recruited the help of a pain management doctor.
1. He gives me steroid shots and nerve blocks in the back of my head and neck to help break up some of the tension. The first time I had them done, it worked like a charm, until I got that first migraine (that led into the 6 day migraine-gate).
2. The second time he did the injections, he put me to sleep and used XRay guidance to get more to the heart of the nerve. The first day was poop and the second day was worst. Today is the 3rd day and I feel good. I think the steroids are starting to absorb into my body and alleviate the tension/pain. Could partly be because it's Friday. We will see.

So, those are the obvious questions. The less obvious questions are is there something wrong with your nerves or your arteries leading to/from your brain? Don't know yet. Haven't had a chance to ask the neurologist that. I do know that according to the FDA's standards, I qualify for Botox injections. But, given the fact that I haven't had a child yet (and desperately want to) she's not comfortable giving me the Botox until we settle on that. So, I'm taking these last few months of the year to fully exhaust all resources (since I've met my deductible and all) and am trying anything and everything in hopes that I'll find the cure to the migraines. If it was just migraines, or just headaches, I think it'd be easier to deal with. It's the combination of a headache one day and then a migraine the next that is throwing me off the most. Here's hoping that the next few months will lead to the promise land of the brain and we'll get it all figured out.

Anyway, that's why I've been absent from the blogosphere and have had nothing interesting to contribute.

For shits and giggles, here's a picture of a brain.

 

until next time blogospehere, until next time.

 



Political Bunkum

 

I really try to not let my Facebook feed get too political. I try. Sometimes though, I'm just so darn aggravated by something one of the parties did, that I comment. I'll admit, it's typically something the Conservatives did that pisses me off, but there have been plenty of times that the Dems have pissed me off too. I've even admitted on more than one occassion that I'm disappointed in Obama. WHAT? I know, right? Honesty. It's killer.

Yesterday, I was more than irritated that Governor Perry called a special session after the 10 hour filibuster that stopped new abortion legislation from going through. Why did the filibuster stop it? Because let's be honest, the law that is on the table is crap. I know it probably has some merit and maybe even some good points in it, but what it's ultimately going to do is force women to have abortions in places that they shouldn't. So, yeah, I'm against it.

But that's not what this is about. This is about political arguments. Why is it that instead of having healthy debates with each other, we so often get our feelings involved and stoop to insults? Are we really so dense that we can't think of something intelligent to say insted? I know that politics is very heated partly because you are talking about people's feelings. The issues are important and the emotions run high. But, that doesn't give us the right to say someone needs to see a shrink or someone else is a dick. What happened to good old respect for the person you were talking to, whether you know them or not?

It aggravates me because as long as we can't talk to each other, how do we expect our elected officials to be able to do so? If anything, they're more passionate about what the issues we're facing and have more emotions on the table (hopefully). I know that I get angry when people continue to argue and argue and argue and I feel like they don't have anything to back up what they're saying (i.e. Obama should be impeached), but at the same time, maybe, if I can keep my tone neutral and remain calm, we can both learn something from each other. Maybe, if we can act like adults, we can start figuring out problems together instead of pinning ourselves against each other. It's probably a lofty dream, but I for one am going to start working towards it.

“Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.” 
- Mark Twain

You don't always get what you want.....

Bleh. The past few months have been "BLEH." I feel like my body is falling apart on me and yet, I'm still here. My migraines have been super intense over the past few months and a lot more frequent. I finally went to the doctor today (mostly because almost all of my prescriptions are out) and he agrees that it's time to see the neurologist again. Here's the thing though -- he's going to say: "You're genetically predisposed to headaches and migraines." And I'm going to say, "Yeah, I know." For as long as I can remember, there have been headaches in my life. Ranging from mild to severe, they're one of the constants that I can always count on. I know, how lovely. I just don't think another trip to the neurologist is going to miracuoulsy fix it.

On top of that, I've been pretty down in the dumps. I know, surprising, right? *sarcasm*. I'm just in a big funk and I haven't found my way out yet. Which, if you were wondering, explains the lack of blogging. There's just nothing worth saying these days.

Anyway, I'm alive. I'm here. My head is hurting, but I'll survive it all somehow. Life goes on, right?

Hope the summer is exciting and fun for you guys! xoxo

Oi Vay!!!

I seriously don't know how people with massive amounts of friends do it!!! It's so hard to balance everyone in your life and give each one the same amount of attention!

I guess having that many friends is an amazing blessing, but I just feel so inadequate sometimes. Like I'm being a less than good friend because I can't see everyone every weekend or even call everyone on a regular basis. Makes me giggle a little though because this has to be the epitome of first world problems...I've got too many friends to see in one week! Geez. I sound like a doober.

The point is though, even if I don't see you every day, I don't talk to you every day, or even every week, you're in my thoughts and I love you. And above all else, I'm thankful to have you in my life and feel incredibly blessed that you are.

Cheers to friendship!

Just a little update on life and some musings on friendship

To say that my personal life is crazy busy right now is an understatement. And yes, I realize that those of you with kids are rolling your eyes hard right now. It's okay. I'm willing to admit that I probably don't understand busy just quite yet. And hey, maybe I never will. But that's a post for another time. Mostly when there are more cards on the table and more understanding for me and the hubs.

Anywho-- Hubs got a new job. Which, by the grace of God, and one A M A Z I N G friend, has been AWESOME! I actually get to see my husband, and spend time with him on the weekends! Who knew that was even possible?! We are so happy with the new situation. You really don't realize how much you miss each other when you're just used to not spending as much time as other couples together. It has been so much fun spending more time with my best friend!

It's funny how when you're younger, people tell you that you'll outgrow your friends and find new friends and it'll be okay. You're all "yeah, whatever, we're going to be friends forever!" Ha, just not true. Of course, some friends have survived childhood with me and I call them family. But those are a different kind of friends. The ones you see when they're in town and go to their weddings, etc, but not the kind that you burden with your every day drama and bullshit. (Face it, some of it is bullshit!). Then there are high school friends. Luckily for me, my two best high school friends are still very near and dear to my heart. I see them often, not as much I would like, but enough to remember what their faces look like, and I'm even playing softball once a week with one of them. Which, if our first game was any indication, is going to be amazing. These are the ones that you can not see for a few weeks, meet up, and remember exactly why they are your best friends. There's probably been some stupidity in your friendship that you might have had to get over, but it's cool, because in the end, your friendship was worth saving. Then, there are college friends. I have to say that I'm not the best at keeping in touch with college friends. Of course you guys (my loyal 5) know about Janet and Colleen and that we still keep in touch. It's funny because in college, we weren't that great of friends. But I'd take a bullet for them (hopefully in the leg or something) and I know that if I needed them, they'd be there in a heart beat.

And then, there's this whole new realm of friends that the hubs and I are finding....adult friendships. Most of these have come about from being members at our church, luckily, the one where I grew up, but some of them are from work and other places. It's been so much fun participating in these relationships and watching them grow and blossom. It's funny why you're drawn to people and then even funnier to find out what you have in common that you never imagined you would. We have certainly grown our adult friendship group exponentially in the past few months and it's been amazing! (I like amazing today, okay?)

And then, there's this unique friendship that I know some people have had for a long time, but for me, it's a newer thing....the friendship of your sibling(s). I'm not sure what changed over the past 2 years or so, but something did and it's been a blessing. I am proud to count my sister as one of my best friends. I think a lot of it was me. I'm not going to lie. I've grown and let go of stupid things that never mattered in the first place. But I've also gained some wisdom. I think I understand things that happened between us better now than I ever did before. And I understand that for most of my life, she's been doing what every good big sister does, she's been protecting me. I was just too dumb or self involved to see it. Whatever changed, me, her, us, I'm glad it did, because I treasure our time together. And I can say that knowing that I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

So, today, on this rainy Saturday in Dallas, I'm toasting to friends. Friends of all kinds. Old friends, new friends, sibling friends. I know that my life is made richer by the ones that are in my circle of trust and I am thankful every day for the people in my life that I can call friend. I only hope that they feel the same. And most of all, cheers to my best friend. My husband, my partner, my confidant, and most of the time, my shrink. Wouldn't make it through a day without him by my side.

"Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest... It's about who came, and never left your side... "
-Unknown (as far as I can tell)

The times, they are-a changing!!!

I am so excited to write this post that I don't even know where to begin!!! Let me start by saying, NO, I'm not pregnant. But I am probably just as excited as if I were pregnant. (Maybe).

The hubs has landed a new gig and will no longer be working RETAIL!!!!! WAHOO TOUCHDOWN DANCE TOUCHDOWN DANCE TOUCHDOWN DANCE!!

As some of you may know, the hubs and I are going on our 12th year of knowing each other/dating each other/being together and in ALL THAT TIME he has worked RETAIL! Don't get me wrong, for the better part of 11 years, the money has been good for him and it's been a good gig. But, as our lives have started changing, as we've really settled into our marriage and has goals have become different than what they were 11 years ago. Mainly, the hubs REALLY REALLY REALLY wants to go to nursing school. Not so easy when you work crazy hours, every holiday, every weekend, and all hours of the day.

BUT by the grace of God and through an amazing friend, he's found a new gig that will allow him to pursue other options and even nursing school!

My only fear is that we get tired of seeing each other so much! Ha ha. But, it's probably not possible since I was lucky enough to marry my best fried.

So cheers to the HUBS!!!! TOUCHDOWN DANCE! TOUCHDOWN DANCE!!

And cheers to our friend, Lady GC (name ommitted because she's a super freak about the internet and what's posted about her!)

Here's to a super fun, although challenging (see previous post) 2013 with lots of more time spent with my best friend!!!!!

"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living."
Gail Sheehy

Holy Blog Post Batman!

Blogger tells me it's been 95 days since my last confession post. Not sure if that's the longest I've ever gone, or not. Things have been C R A Z Y these past few months. I could break it all down for you, but it'd be super boring, and you probably wouldn't care. I will however, hit the highlights. Or rather, give you a HIGH and a LOW. Seems fair.

HIGH - Got promoted at work!!! I'm officially a supervisor and have employees that report to me and everything! Coolest part? Office. Worst part - holy crap there is still so much work to do! There was just as much work before I think, it's just now, there is an added bonus of getting more money to do them. All in all, work is going really well. I like my employees and my new boss (not sure I covered that here or not, might be better suited for another day). With the new job, the hubs has decided to start looking for a new position as well. He's decided that the money doesn't outweigh the stress anymore and he's ready to do something a little more mindless for a little less pay so that he can focus on school and getting his nursing degree. I'm super proud of him for making the choice finally, even though it means we might not do as much fun stuff in the future.

LOW - got diagnosed with PCOS. Basically, my hormones are whack and because they are whack, I'm not producing mature eggs. Not the most exciting news that could have been given to me on any given day. But, the good news is, there are treatments for PCOS although there is no cure. AND, even though the internet makes it seem pretty grim, there are options for getting pregnant. And that's what is most important to me right now.....getting pregnant.

Shouldn't come as a surprise to my real-life readers, we've been talking off and on for a year and a half or so about getting pregnant. The problem is, it just wasn't happening. The experts all agree that a year and a half of unprotected sex should yield a spawn. And if it doesn't, something could be wrong.

In case you came to this blog post by searching PCOS, let me fill you in on how I was diagnosed:

1. My period was whack. It would show up on time some months, some months it was severely late, and some months, it didn't show up at all.
2. We'd been trying to get pregnant for several months, but essentially, had been birth control free for a year and a half.
3. Sevreal talks with my doctor about these two items led her to do a panel of blood work that confirmed PCOS.
1. There are sevreal hormones that they test for this. In my case, my testosterone was mildly elevated and my insulin was OFF THE CHARTS.

First course of action for me, since my insulin was so insanely high is to try Metformin. This should help regulate my insulin levels, which in theory, should lead to regular ovulation and BAM! BABY! I've got to build up the medication in my system though, so we're probably still a few weeks out from BAM! BABY! but there's a plan and that's what matters.

There are other exciting things going on in my life that I'll probably cover in the next few weeks. Gotta keep something out there to keep you coming back, right?

But bottom line, if you feel like you're not having the luck you wanted when trying to get pregnant, I encourage you to talk to your doctor. Maybe it's something they can fix! Sure, it might be harder than fixing PCOS, but it could still be fixable. You never know if you don't ask, right?

So go forth and reproduce! And if you run across other problems, you should sure Janet's blog and Colleen's blog, because we are the 2%!