You don't always get what you want.....

Bleh. The past few months have been "BLEH." I feel like my body is falling apart on me and yet, I'm still here. My migraines have been super intense over the past few months and a lot more frequent. I finally went to the doctor today (mostly because almost all of my prescriptions are out) and he agrees that it's time to see the neurologist again. Here's the thing though -- he's going to say: "You're genetically predisposed to headaches and migraines." And I'm going to say, "Yeah, I know." For as long as I can remember, there have been headaches in my life. Ranging from mild to severe, they're one of the constants that I can always count on. I know, how lovely. I just don't think another trip to the neurologist is going to miracuoulsy fix it.

On top of that, I've been pretty down in the dumps. I know, surprising, right? *sarcasm*. I'm just in a big funk and I haven't found my way out yet. Which, if you were wondering, explains the lack of blogging. There's just nothing worth saying these days.

Anyway, I'm alive. I'm here. My head is hurting, but I'll survive it all somehow. Life goes on, right?

Hope the summer is exciting and fun for you guys! xoxo

Thank Buddha for antibiotics!

Here's the good news: my tiredness is not due to some miraculous baby, or to something weird, but apparently it's due to having strep throat. Again. For the 4th time since August. Here's the bad news: it KEEPS HAPPENING!

WHAT THE HELL UNIVERSE? WHY ARE YOU PICKING ON ME?

I'd like to say that there's a great reason for me getting strep and sinus infections so much, but I really think it boils down to my body being jacked up. I take vitamins. I work out occassionally (more when I'm not sick) and I don't put bad things into my body. But let's face, a crack whore is healthier than me! It's just not fair!

So, here's my message to the unvierse:

Dear Universe,

Please attack someone else. Please give strep and sinus infections and shingles and all the other weird shit that you've given me to someone else. Someone more deserving, like a crack whore or a pimp. I've really had my fun and I'm ready to be well, I think I can handle it. Thanks for the gifts, but I'm really overwhelmed with the amount you've given me these past few months. Please, share the wealth with others. I won't mind.

Always yours,

tiffany

Here's hoping the universe is in a good mood today!

at what point do you get a break!?!??!

ever notice that it  seems like no two parts of your life can be in happiness at the same time?
I know at some point, things were good in all aspects of my life. I loved my job, I loved my friends, I loved my family. Lately though, it seems like if I love my family too much, my friendships suffer. Or if I love my job too much my family suffers. And if I like my friends too much, my job suffers. It just seems like this never ending stabbing that I can't overcome.

It's like the universe is constantly keeping score for me and if my score gets too high, it slaps me back down saying "no, no, no, you're not allowed to get that high." It's so frustrating!

On top of all this, I've been feeling very insecure with myself lately. I feel like I'm not measuring up to what I'm supposed to be, not only professionally, but personally too. I constantly feel like I'm letting someone down and not doing what's best for the universe. It's so exhausting. Last night I literally cried myself to sleep because I could not come up with a better plan. things from the day were weighing heavily on me and I got into a fight with one of my most treasured friends. It was just a rough night. I was already feeling worn down by the day and the events of the week but last night it felt like it all came to a head and all I could do was cry. Normally, crying is a release. A release of stress and pint up anger that floods from my eyes and makes me feel better. Last night, it was the opposite. It was like I was crying because I had no way out of a bottomless pit. I just keep falling.

Maybe this doesn't make sense to anyone, or maybe it does. I'm not really in the mood to figure out if this is going to be an enlightening post or not. Just had some things to get off my chest I guess.