at what point do you get a break!?!??!

ever notice that it  seems like no two parts of your life can be in happiness at the same time?
I know at some point, things were good in all aspects of my life. I loved my job, I loved my friends, I loved my family. Lately though, it seems like if I love my family too much, my friendships suffer. Or if I love my job too much my family suffers. And if I like my friends too much, my job suffers. It just seems like this never ending stabbing that I can't overcome.

It's like the universe is constantly keeping score for me and if my score gets too high, it slaps me back down saying "no, no, no, you're not allowed to get that high." It's so frustrating!

On top of all this, I've been feeling very insecure with myself lately. I feel like I'm not measuring up to what I'm supposed to be, not only professionally, but personally too. I constantly feel like I'm letting someone down and not doing what's best for the universe. It's so exhausting. Last night I literally cried myself to sleep because I could not come up with a better plan. things from the day were weighing heavily on me and I got into a fight with one of my most treasured friends. It was just a rough night. I was already feeling worn down by the day and the events of the week but last night it felt like it all came to a head and all I could do was cry. Normally, crying is a release. A release of stress and pint up anger that floods from my eyes and makes me feel better. Last night, it was the opposite. It was like I was crying because I had no way out of a bottomless pit. I just keep falling.

Maybe this doesn't make sense to anyone, or maybe it does. I'm not really in the mood to figure out if this is going to be an enlightening post or not. Just had some things to get off my chest I guess.