Right, so that was quick...

After some fabulous incidents yesterday, I decided that I don't want a lot of people in my life anymore and decided to lock down the good ol blog. I probably should have warned everyone first, but it just had to happen.

So.............welcome to the love friends! Now I feel more comfortable using real names of people and being honest, because hey, that's what it's all about. And my blog was never supposed to be for random people anyway, it's my spot for venting and keeping you guys up-to-date. So it works.

Whew!

hello darkness my old friend.....I've come to talk with you again...

Yesterday, my sweet friend Preston passed away. To say that I'm heartbroken is an understatement. To say that I'm hurting in ways I didn't know I could is also an understatment. I can't describe the pain I feel or the void that I feel because of his passing. I'm so incredibly thankful that his fight is over and he is now riding (probably) in peace somewhere on a distant highway. I know I will see him again, so I find comfort in that, but that is probably a long time from now for me and it doesn't make the pain any less. It doesn't make me hurt less that he is now at peace. It doesn't comfort me to know that I will never hear my friend's voice or get an email from him telling me about so hot girl he met. It doesn't make me feel good to know that my crazy early morning drunk texts are over and that my friend Preston is gone from this earth. I'm hurting. I know in time the hurt will be less and I'll cherish his memory, but today, I'm hurting. I just don't think that anyone should ever have to go through this kind of pain. And for m,e I know it's probably just the beginning of the start of a lot of incidents like this...I am getting older.

I leave you with words from Stevie Nicks....

"can I handle the changing seasons of my life.....Oh, I don't know"

...

more than I could ever hope for....

As you know, my friend Preston is in the final stages of his life here with us. He's decided to quit treatment for lymphoma and now the doctors are just doing everything they can to make him comfortable.

I was thinking back this morning on all the things that he has taught me and decided to share.

• he taught me that life is not to be lived carefully and slowly but rather as an adventure to the end
• he taught me that dickhead guys aren't worth your time 
• he taught me that friendship doesn't have to be about hanging out every weekend; sometimes it's about having an email group that talks every day about the stupidest of things
• he taught me that there is humor in everything; even in death
• he taught me to be optimistic about the future and not dwell on the negative
• he taught me to love all kinds of different people and that you can't judge a person by their dorky hobbies! 
• he taught to appreciate a really great thunderstorm
• he taught me some safety tips I probably need to learn
• he taught me how to be a better friend and for that I'm eternally grateful. 

Preston has taught me so much in the short span of our friendship....6 years...that it saddens me that I'll never be able to repay him for his life lessons.  I hope that I can grow to be more like him and learn to love the life they way he did and appreciate the small things. I'm still completely devastated, but I'm trying to focus more on our shared laughter than our shared sorrow. I know I'll see him again and lucky for him, it'll seem like the blink of an eye. It hurts tremendously to know that in a short time, I'll lose my friend but I just keep reminding myself that it hurts so bad because I love him so much. I hope he finds the peace he's searching for and that our time apart doesn't feel like an eternity.

Sometimes, all we can do is let go....

My friend Preston has decided to end his battle with lymphoma today. This means, the doctors will do everything they can to keep him comfortable until he passes.

I'm devastated. I'm heartbroken. I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm confused. I'm at peace.

I know this is the past thing for him, but I'm not ready to let him go. His life has been too short.

I love you PH. You've been the best friend anyone could ask for and my life is forever changed because of you. Go peacefully into the night knowing that you are surrounded by the love of your family and friends.