Friendships....

Friendship.....

“A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.”


Some of the greatest love that I have experienced in my life has been through the amazing friendships that I've forged over the years. Last night, I spent time with some of my favorite friends and I don't think I've laughed as hard in a very, very long time.

I love this quote because it focuses not only the fact that it's easy to love our friends when they're doing all the right things. But we must also love them in their worst times as well. The bottom line is this - friends, people, make mistakes. It happens every day in almost every way imaginable. Mistakes are made. Feelings get hurt. And sometimes, it feels easier to hold a grudge or push away from your friend than it does to just talk to them about it. But being a true friend means finding a way to work through the feelings of anger and pain. And sometimes, people choose not to do that. And that's okay, but to me, they are failing as a true friend. A true friend loves no matter what happens. Even when feelings are hurt and emotions are running high. A true friend finds the will inside them to forgive you for your faults. To forget the stupid things you've done and to remember all the wonderful things you've done and been for them in the past.

The thing about friendship love is that sometimes it hurts slightly more than romantic love. I think that I expect to get into hurtful arguments with my husband. I know that there are times when he's going to say something I don't agree with or don't appreciate. Or even do something that I'd rather him not do. But I think I expect it less from my friends so when they do something that hurts, it hurts more than when he does. Awkward logic, I know but think on it.

The one thing that I know for sure is that I wouldn't make it through this life without the amazing friends that surround me on a daily basis. I am so thankful for them and can only hope that I give them a little bit of what they give me.

The sad part is when we lose friends without telling them how much we truly care for them. I've often felt that way about my friend Preston. I loved him dearly and fear I did not tell him enough how special he was to me. 

To all my friends, know that you're very dear to my heart.

I feel like this quote describes the friends I was with last night. My friend Janet and my friend Joanna (they're sisters which makes it that much more fun!)

“We cannot tell the exact moment a friendship is formed; as in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over; so in a series of kindnesses, there is at last one that makes the heart run over.”

Love continued.....young love....

The more you love, the more you lose a part of you.
Yet you don't become less of who you are,
instead you end up being complete...

So I briefly commented on being in love when I was 15. I know that not everyone has been in love that young and that in fact, it was quite rare for me to find someone that I could give my whole heart to at a young age. But it happened. And I'm fully aware that most guys do not experience the same thing.

I think that guys walk through life never really knowing what love is until they're old enough to handle it and can process the feelings they are experiencing. I think for them it's more of a saying I love you rather than actually feeling the love and meaning it.

I'd like to think that my boyfriend at 15 meant that he loved me when he said it, and certainly the way that he treated me backed it up. But, there are somethings you're not meant to know in life and maybe that is one of them.

When things ended, I had met my hubs. And it was kind of a bad break-up. I was the bad person in the equation and I really felt like it for a long time. The hubs and I broke up for a while and I got to see my ex and the feelings that had always been there were there yet again. But so were the feelings of my newly ended relationship with my future hubs. It was very confusing and heartbreaking. Being 18 is a hard enough time in life, throwing in feelings of love for more than one person makes things that much harder.

So instead of dealing with all that, I pushed away from both of them. And stumbled through my young adulthood with a string of bad relationships. The difference being that my hubs was stubborn enough to wait around for me to figure it all out and my ex was not.

Now here's where the love part comes in. I think that part of my heart will always be tied to him (the ex). We remained friends for a while and though I was usually dating some random guy, I would find myself jealous of the women he was dating. Or wishing that I was dating him instead. But it never came to fruition. Then, when the hubs and I finally got back together (and knew it was meant to be), I didn't so much wish that we were together as just absolutely criticize the crap out everyone he was dating. Which, is probably why we're not friends now-- who wants a negative nancy ex-girlfriend for a friend? Not fun.

Now that I've been married for 3 years and have been back with my hubs for over 5, I know that I'm where I'm supposed to be. My love for him is absolute and I get excited about our life on a daily basis. But the part of my heart that belonged to my ex still wants to know that he's okay. It's not like a creepy stalker type thing overly obsessed thing. But I do find myself reading his blog to see that he's still alive and at least on the outside, seems to be doing well. I'm pretty sure that the hubs knows. If he doesn't, I'm not embarrassed by the fact that I check my ex's blog sometimes. We used to argue over me having a relationship with my ex, but I think my hubs realized that we were in fact in love and that a part of me would always care for him.

It was hard for the hubs though because he never felt the same way someone else as he did about me. So the worry and concern that he carried for me all those months and years that we were apart have never been recreated since we've been back together.

I'm not in any way saying that I don't love my husband or that I think I'm in the wrong relationship. I don't. I'm simply saying that the heart is a mysterious organ and the emotions that the heart feels (even at the ripe old age of 15) are astounding.

I'm not sure if my ex and I will ever have a friendship again. I'm not sure what that would be like. I used to hold some resentment in my heart for him for stupid things that happened between us. But I think I finally let that go. :) I will always care for him and I will continue to hope and pray for his safety and happiness.

So...part two question: do any of you have a relationship like that? Young love that didn't last but still holds a unique place in your heart?

Love....what does it mean to YOU?

I was recently talking to someone about love and what it means to them. He's been in a new relationship for a while and it took some hard work to get to this point in his life. As we talked through it, I realized that love means something different for everyone. For some, it's the desire to protect someone else at all costs. Jumping in front of a bullet for them, etc. For others, it's doing whatever is necessary to keep them happy. Sometimes it's big displays of affection like proposing over and over again every year because you botched the first one. And for others, it's a quiet respect and reverence that isn't necessarily shared with the world.

When I was younger, I thought for sure that I was in love. I envisioned spending the rest of my life with one person and truly for a long time thought that it would work out. I think part of the problem with falling in love so young (15 to be in fact) is that the heart isn't equipped to deal with the trials and tribulations that come with adulthood. I wasn't mature enough to handle the difficulties in our lives and it ended. As I grew older, I had an excellent foundation for what I wished for though. I had an idea of the man I was looking for and the characteristics that I wanted him to possess.

And then I met the hubs. Emotions have never been easy for me to describe with words, but I know that I do not wish to live one day without him. I know that I would go to the ends of the earth and back to ensure his happiness. And to make him feel loved. I know that I would take a bullet for him if it meant that he could continue to live. And I know that he's my best friend. To me, that is my love for him. I adore him. And I thank my lucky stars above every day for being able to wake up next to him and fall asleep with him at the end of the day.

But what does it mean to you? I'm curious...

"The most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life."
-Sir Hugh Walpole