Sometimes, life is just plain hard

Some of you know this because you're my real life friends and we've talked about it. Some of my internet friends may not know yet, so here it goes.

Last weekend, my sister lost her baby. She developed pre-eclampsia, a condition in which the mother's body basically attacks the placenta and breaks it down until the baby can no longer survive, or until the mother gets so sick, that the baby has to be terminated. She was six months pregnant. At six months, you have to deliver the baby. Last weekend was one of the worst weekends of my life.

I wanted to trade places with her. I wanted to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be alright, even though I knew it wasn't and I knew that she was going through the worst time in her life.

She's getting stronger every day. I won't say that she's getting better, because she's not. She'll never be better. She is forever changed as is my family, as am I. We all lost someone we dearly loved that day regardless of his age. My nephew, my sweet baby nephew was lost to me that day and my life will forever be different.

We're in the process now of planning for his memorial service. He was creamted because none of us could bare to see him in a coffin built for a tiny king. I'm not sure when the service will be or where, but it will be the second hardest time in my life, I'm almost positive.

I keep reminding myself that this probably saved my sister's life. That my sweet nephew sacrificed his life so that my sister could live and so that she would know what to look for with her next pregnancies. It doesn't make it any easier to think of this terrible event in my life in thsoe terms. It doesn't bring my sweet baby nephew back to me.

I'm not sure how much more I can survive.

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.
~Author Unknown

some things that lift my spirits

So, some of you know and some of you don't, but my spirits have been pretty down in the dumps lately. Doesn't look like that is going to change anytime soon, so instead of talking about how depressed I am here, I decided I'd post some things that make me smile.

first up: Carson. How cute is this kid?
Second up: Keegan. Equally as cute as Carson! I love them both and I can't wait for them to get older so I can be their cool Aunt Tiffany!
Side note: he was totally pissed about the flash going off in his face....too funny.

My parents' new pup! She's adorable!
These are currently blooming in my backyard. I think I'm going to frame them and put them in my bathroom so I can start every day with bright flowers.

Songs that Change My Day

I live for music and basically see my life has been set to different songs throughout the day.

Here are some songs that you should listen to if you haven't, and listen to a lot more if you have.

• What if You - Joshua Radin
• Today - Joshua Radin
• Broken - Lifehouse
• Somewhere Over the Rainbow - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
• I'll Be There For You - Bon Jovi
• Love Will Tear Us Apart - Broken Social Scene

They're all pretty mellow, but I love them. If you hate them, don't tell me. You'll ruin it for me.

Fudge Shoppe Cookies and School Speeches

First, I just want to take this time and this space to say that there is no better snack than the 100 calorie Fudge Shoppe Fudge Grahams snack. It is so amazing it deserves it's only holiday and I want to eat it every day for the rest of my life.

Second, I want to express my frustration over the whole Presidential address to school aged kiddos. I honestly do not understand what the issue was with Obama making a speech to our school aged children. I really tried to understand why certain groups (uh hum conservatives) were upset with Obama and why they would rather keep their children home than let them hear a speech given by our President, but I just couldn't understand it no matter how hard I tried.

Today, because I was at work, I was unable to listen to the President's speech. I did however read the text of his speech and I am more dumbfounded by certain opinions prior to the speech than ever before. I found Obama's speech to be very encouraging and uplifting. I found it to be challenging and exciting and a much needed message from a very public figure.

When I was younger, I thought the President was the coolest guy on the block. I didn't judge him based on whether or not my parents had voted for him and I sure as heck didn't care if he was Republican or Democrat. He was the President. I mean, really, what is cooler than that? Okay, maybe being Michael Jordan. But other than that? Being the Pres is pretty cool. I can't believe that parents would seriously consider shielding their children from a message from the President.

I think it's time for the conservative Republicans who keep fighting Obama on every issue to back down and admit defeat. You lost the election buddies. I mean, Obama is president for the next 4 years. Let's try and have some dignity and stop making up stupid arguments and stupid issues becasue we're all butthurt that our guy chose a stupid woman to run with him. (I mean seriously? Carrie Prejean would have been a better candidate!)

Man it feels godo to vent sometimes, doesn't it?

For me, the most disturbing aspect of the Republican political culture is how it puts its unquenchable thirst for power, domination and a radical ideology above facts, reason and the truth.
-Al Gore

Things to Ponder

I'm just going to start off by saying that I don't claim to be overly patriotic and I'm not one of those "American til I die" kind of people. I like America. I like living here, but I've always found myself to be more Texan than American. Hey, we were our own country, once.

Anyway, I've noticed that when famous politicians, former Presidents etc die, I get really pissed off at the businesses/establishments who don't lower their flag to half staff. I can think of two times in particular that this has seriously pissed me off. In 2006, Ann Richards, former governor of Texas died. I remember driving down the Dallas North Tollway and driving past a hotel who hadn't lowered their flag. I was so pissed by this that I googled their phone number and called them while driving to tell them that they were ridiculous. I remember saying something like "She was from Texas you assholes!"

Second time this has bothered me. Recently, Ted Kennedy passed away. As his funeral services and viewings were going on, most businesses etc had found the time to lower their flags. However, there were a few that did not take the 2 minutes it would take to do this and left their flags flying high. I'm not sure why this bothers me so much, but I just kind of feel like if you're going to spend the money to put in a flag pole and have an American flag, then you sure as hell better lower it when the timing is right.

My next thing to ponder -
Road rage. I realized this morning that when I'm driving and you piss me off, I'll call you something I would not normally say and I'll say it with pride. For example, this morning this woman was driving like a complete maniac. She cut me off, she cut off other people and then came back to cut me off again. I found myself screaming out a four letter word that under normal circumstances I find disgusting. I'll let you use your imagination to figure out what it was, but basically it's a word usually reserved for women and may or may not start with a c and end in a t.

I felt dirty after I said it, but at the same time, it felt good. I wanted to call her something terrible because I was pissed at the way she was driving. We're all trying to get to work, why should she get to drive like a maniac?

The remote control changed our lives.....The remote control took over the timing of the world. That's why you have road rage. You have people who have no patience, because you got immediate gratification. You got click, click, click, click. If it doesn't explode within three seconds, click, click, click, click.
-Sid Caesar