A little thing called depression....

So Dooce's post here made me think about my depression and what it's been like these past few months. Typically, when things get tougher in my life, and my energy gets stripped away, my depression wavers and gets a little bit worse. Lately, though, that hasn't really been the case.

Instead, things have been pretty even kelter and not much has been happening. Overall, I've been able to focus on the positives in my life and have put my attention towards those instead of getting "down in the dumps." But her post made me realize that while the seasons don't necessarily affect me in the same way they do some, my depression definitely takes the course of ugly monster for no reason whatsoever.

I know that some people get into ruts where they feel more depressed on a regular basis during certain times of the year or months of their lives. Mine is slightly more random than that. As in, I'll wake up one day feeling 1,000x worse than the day before and have no good reason for why. I could say "Oh, I just slept on the wrong side of the bed. Ha ha." But, the truth is, I know that it's more than that. I know that it's more about the fact that my mind is a beautiful monster that rears it's ugly side sometimes and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. Sure, I can force myself about of bed and force myself to get through the day, but that's about it. And even then, I can act happy and cheerful, but there's still this dark cloud of gloom that hangs over my head. And there's no reason for it other than that's the way my body is feeling that day. It sucks.

The good news in all of this? Depression is getting easier to talk about. And by getting easier to talk about I mean that it's becoming more accepted and people are realizing that being affected by depression the same as having, say diabetes. It's a disease. It happens. To more people than most realize, I would dare to say.

So if you know someone who is depressed, then reach out to them. Let them know that if they need to talk (even if it doesn't make any sense to you) that you're available and willing to give them an ear. It might be a complete nonsense rambling session, but at least you're letting them talk about it. Because honestly, pretending like it doesn't exist or is taboo is just dumb in 2011. And it's almost 2012. Time to get out of our closets and talk about things that happen to real people.

I'm here to help too. If you're reading this and you want to chat, leave a comment and I'll get in touch with you. There are better days. This is not the worst day just because it's not the best.

Hang in there buttercups!

They say that breaking up is hard to do....

Recently, my life has been all sorts of turmoil. There have been more hard days than easy and the situations I and my family have been going through have been extremely difficult. Through all of it though, I've gained some really good perspective about who my friends are and which ones are necessary in my life. And I've figured out that some relationships have run their course and are fizzling out.


It's been a really hard realization to come to because it's not easy to remove people from your life. Especially people whom you've cared about deeply and shared so many memories with. But, at the same time, the one thing I have learned and experienced over and over again these past few months, and years, is that life is entirely too short to live unhappy or with friendships that don't provide the nourishment and balance that you need in your life.

It's sad to me because looking back there have been some amazing memories and times with some of these friends, but then, at the same time, there's been some incredibly hard times as well. Particularly times when things were really hard for me and I didn't feel like I could call on them for help or support.

I've made the decision to be more committed to my friends and family and I don't think I could have done it without evaluating the friendships in my life and finding the friends that are worth keeping. The ones that have truly been there for me when I needed them, whether it was just an email offering guidance or an offering to meet up and discuss the current woes in my life.

I know that friendships can't be the same as they were when we were 4. I know that they take work. But I also know that one person shouldn't feel like they're putting in all the work. Life is better spent with fulfilling relationships that help us grow, and learn. Not ones that cause us to worry and suffer. It's just not worth it. Not at this point in our lives. Growing up really sucks. 

I'll leave you with the Beatles. This song has always rang true for me, but more so today and than other....

In My Life by the Beatles. 

"there are places I remember, all my life, though have some changed.... some forever not for better, some are gone, and some remain. all these places had their moments, with lovers and friends, I still can recall. Some are dead and some are living...In my live, I've loved them all"

Work it out!!!!!

first, that was the safest "work out" picture I could find on google! INSANE!

Second -- I need a new work out routine. Here's the gist of why....

• I dont do well on my own. Sure, I know HOW to work out and what is good, but I need something that tells me do this on day one and this on day two. I need something fun and exciting or else I'm just going to do the treadmill for a few days and then give up. 
• I know what 20 year old Tiffany would do, but I don't know what 27 year old Tiffany needs or wants to do....so it's just bringing me down. 
• I need routine. I'm better with routine. If I have something that is repeatable and fun, then I'll go further with it than just something that I come up with.
• Preferably, I'd like for it be like a 30 day challenge or something so that I can look at it and kick it's ass! 

So yeah, I need some routine. Any thoughts on what would work? I've tried some of the videos but haven't gotten too committed to them to date. Partly because I don't own them probably.

"Too many people confine their exercise to jumping to conclusions, running up bills, stretching the truth, bending over backward, lying down on the job, sidestepping responsibility and pushing their luck"

Blogiversary (albeit a few months away) Goals

"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world.  This makes it hard to plan the day."

  ~Elwyn Brooks White

I've almost had this blog for 4 years...January 30, 2012 will be my 4 year blogiversary as it were.  I was trying to think of something to write today and I couldn't decide where I should go with this, so I decided to think of what I want to put of more on my blog and what I'd like to write less of. 

Here is my quick, off the top of my head list. 

More photography. 

I love photography. Like LOVE it and I don't devote nearly enough time to taking pictures and posting them on my blog. I've done mostly landscapey stuff, which is all well and good, but I want more adventure pictures. I want to drive around and take road trips and add pictures of the wild and crazy things that I find along the way. Here's hoping that in year 4 of my blog we start seeing some of that!!

More everyday life lessons.
I had a guy tell me this week that if you go through a day and don't learn something then you're not very smart. And I think that's so true. I mean, look at all the really great people from our history...they continuously learned, no matter what age, and no matter what was happening in their lives. I read a lot and I learn a good deal of information that way, but I want to start documenting the things that I learn on a more regular basis. Even if they're really dumb and don't make sense to most people, I want to remember the things I learn and be a life-learner, not just an educated person. 

More excitement!
Lately the blog has been kind of down in the dumps. Which, granted, the blog usually takes on whatever mood my life is having, but I'd like for it to be a little more exciting and a little less gloomy. So, I'm going to try and find things that are more interesting to put on here! 

Less of a therapy session. 

This ties in with the one above. Often times, I use this blog to let out some steam and to vent about the various ongoings in my life. I think that often times though it's like a message to the world that I'm suffering or hurting or feeling depressed. While I think that getting those things out is very important, I'm not so sure it has to be done on my blog. in public. So, I'm going to steer away from using this blog as my therapy and find another way to find that peace in my life. 

These are just a few of the things that have been rattling around in my brain, but here's hoping I get back on a more regular blog posting schedule and that it's more fun for both of us! 

"Just living is not enough.  One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower."  

~Hans Christian Anderson
     

NEW NIECELETTE! NEW NIECELETTE!!!

mmmkay, so my sis is having a baby girl in January and I'm so super excited! I love babies, but I really love baby girls!!!

I just bought her these shoes, and I thought my blog could use a little perking up, so I'm sharing them with you.

So hurry up niecelette! I want you to wear these already!!!