In honor of my birthday (in 2 months)

I thought I would post 26 things that make me happy. I usually rant and rave about something that is bothering me, but I don't often say the things that make me happy, so here it goes. Also, these are in no particular order!

1. sunny spring days
2. my dogs
3. my family
4. husband
5. sleep!
6. ice cream -- once a guy broke up with me and immediately took me to have ice cream so that i would be happy again.
7. Pepsi -- although I'm trying to stay away from it.
8. my nephews!
9. clean sheets
10. my new fence! (it might be the greatest fence on the block, but so what! I'll be happy!)
11. text messages (the right ones)
12. a fun pair of heels
13. funny stories
14. pedicures
15. forehead kisses (I know, sometimes it makes you feel small, but I love them!)
16. beautiful flowers
17. 2 1/2 year olds who call me TT
18. my friends
19. having the space on this blog to vent
20. mexican food
21. mexican coca cola! I love it!
22. michigan state being in the final four
23. my iPod
24. great music (kind of goes with 23, but whatever)
25. gummy bears!!!
26. JA, you know who you are!

Today the weather is great, it wasn't great earlier, but it's great now. My allergies aren't bothering me, and I'm spending time with my sister in laws tonight..Yep, all in all, a pretty good day. OH, and I'm totally rocking my fave pair of heels---:) even better!!!

"But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?"
-Albert Camus

**NOTE: I'm going to be 25, not 26...so that's why originally there were 25 items. But, I was reminded that I needed to add just one more..so I did.

This too shall pass....

So, today, my pastor posts on his facebook that he has resigned from the church. Not all that surprising, husband and I felt like it's been coming for a while. The thing about our church, is that it's kind of older in spirits and there just aren't very many young people to keep it going. This whole pastor leaving thing is actually fairly common because there are members that are very set in their ways, and tend to make life difficult for the younger generation. It's unfortunate because to me, the church has done a lot of things for this particular family. We agreed to pay them more because they were coming as a couple and required more money. We agreed to pay him more when she resigned in October, and we've stuck by them as they've led us through some difficult times. I guess where my faith gets shaken a little is more because of the fact that he chose to announce his resignation on facebook instead of waiting for the church to announce it. I mean, that's just as bad as breaking up with someone over text message. And if you ask me, a little bit cowardly.

I respect this person and I'm proud of what he's done for our church, but at the same time, I kind of want to hit on top of the head and say WTF?? Why would you tell everyone over facebook that you're leaving? It's awkward to me. I mean, give the church members time to grieve before you tell everyone outside the church what you're doing. For example, my mom found out because her friend, who is friends with my pastor on facebook, called her and told her that it was on facebook. It was the first anyone in my family had heard about it. Not a big deal, except for the fact that this friend of my mom's doesn't go to our church. She goes to a "rival" church down the way from us. I just kind of feel like he slapped us all in the face by not telling anyone first. I think it could've been handled differently, and that we deserved for it to be handled differently.

Ahh, oh well. This too shall pass. Another season will come and our church will survive this. Everything works out in the end, exactly the way that it's supposed to.

Why do girls hearts break more?

So, I've always had a problem of holding onto people that I shouldn't or of holding onto people who are done holding onto me. It's not just boys, it's girls too, so it's not about them being boys! But this week, I was examining my need to stay in touch with a bajillion people and came to the realization that I think it's more girls than boys who want to stay in touch with ex-friends, ex-lovers, ex-everything.

I've always had this desire to hold onto my exes. NOT really ALL of my exes, becasue let's face it, some of them weren't worth keeping while we were dating, but to the ones that touched my heart, I've always found it hard to not want to be their friend. Which, probably hasn't always worked out for their girlfriends, but at least on my side it's always been innocent. I think this is totally a girl thing because what guy is holding onto his ex if it's not more for reasons than being a friend? Usually if a guy is holding onto his ex, it's because he's still getting some, or hoping to still get some, or becasue he's in love with her and not ready to let her go. But girls, it literally hurts some of our hearts to let go of a guy. Not because we want to be with them, but because, at least in my case, I just want to know that they're okay. I want to know that they've found happiness with someone else. I fall in love too easily and because of that, I have a hard time pushing people out of my life. Sure, some of them really hurt me, so that made it easier, but there were the ones that I hurt that I long to talk to. I thought more than once, because I was foolish and young, that I found someone I could spend a lifetime with. I know, I know, you're thinking WTF right about now, but when you're young and in love, everything seems to last forever! It's those guys that hurt my heart. It's those boys that I wish I could call and get an update on. I want to know that they've found someone who makes them happy, and that our break up, albeit terrible at the time, didn't end their dating life. I know, selfish of me to think that I could ruin someone's life, but these were serious breakups folks! Okay, I'm giving myself a little more credit than I deserve, but being young is tough. T.O.U.G.H.

I wonder why it is that girls keep a place in their heart for boys that have broken it. We hold on to memories, songs, pictures, things that remind us of boys that break out heart. Boys on the other hand, throw out everything and don't think twice about the girl they just broke up with. (I know there are guys out there that truly have more emotions than the normal guy, I'm just speaking from the perspective I have and from the guy friends in my life). Guys can break up with a girl, wish her well, and move on. Girls on the other hand, cherish the time they had with a guy, even if he sucked at life! We dwell on how we were happy and how there were good times, even if the bad times far outweigh the good times. Ah, the female make up is so funny! and cruel!

There was really no point to this post. I wanted to be meaningful, and somewhere along the line, it kind of turned into something else.

My point in all of this would be that if there was a girl in your life who desperately wanted to know how you were doing, wanted to check in and make sure that you were happy in your life, and you're NOT still in love with her, just tell her that things are great, that your'e in love, your life is all planned out, and you're excited to wake up every day.

And in no way does this imply that I am unhappy in my life. I'm the complete opposite. And I think that's why I want to know that they're doing well too. We all deserve to be happy!

I'm going to finish this off with some words of wisdom from Kanye:
"how could you be so dr.evil, you're bringing out a side of me that I don't know, i decided that we weren't gonna speak, so why we up 3AM on the phone"

see...even Kanye decides what girls he talks to and which ones he doesn't!!! (that's a joke)

My life the jukebox...

So, as I drove to work this morning, tired as all get out, I decided to play the one song that always pulls me out of my funk. I don't know why, the words aren't always relevant to my life anymore, but every time, this song pulls me back.



Enjoy!

The importance of a BEST friend...

I'm writing this because over the past few months, I've lost sight of what it means to have a best friend and what my best friend means to me. After a few rough months, I think we've come to realize, again, that being a best friend doesn't necessarily mean that you call every day to see how the other one is doing, or that you hang out all the time.

Sometimes it means that life is too busy for you to slow down and remember to call or that they might want to hear your voice. Life gets busy, and when life gets busy, your friends are usually the first to suffer. But a best friend, understands that sometimes your friendship is going to suffer, and that you're going to have your ups and downs. The best thing a best friend does for you is point out that your friendship is worth fighting for, even when you don't think so yourself.

My best friend will laugh at this picture. She will remember what we were doing to end up with this picture and it will hopefully fill her heart with fond memories.

Today I'm glad that my best friend reminded me that our friendship is worth fighting for.

"Friends are like bras; close to your heart and there for support"

The older you get: the less time you have

Why is it that when we get older, it becomes harder and harder to work things out with your friends?

Granted, we're not in elementary school anymore and we don't see each other every day, but is it really that hard to make a plan and stick to it? And why is it that when you get older the things you used to have in common with your friends, you no longer have in common? What exactly changes that turns you into different people all of a sudden? Is it because now you're dating or married to someone else and maybe their influences on you change your perspective on life? Or their influence on you makes you want to do different things that you didn't use to do before? What exactly leads us in one direction or the other?

Someday, I just want to be old, sitting on a porch, with a bottle of Tito's. If some of my friends happen to be there, great. If not, Tito will keep me company.

It's the simple things...

That handsome devil is my grandfather. He's 82, a retired Lt. Col in the Army, and one of my all time favorite people. Unfortunately, he has no idea who I am. He has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and although we won't know for sure until he's left us, he certainly has the tell tale signs of a person suffering from Alzheimer's. He can't remember who my father (his son) is, and he doesn't remember my paternal grandmother or my aunts. He has a hard time remembering my cousins or my step-grandmother's children. He can remember his wife and the staff who takes care of him at the home where he now lives. He can remember that he goes to dialysis three times a week and to physical therapy twice a week, even if he can't remember what it's called exactly. He remembers that his birthday is coming up and that he had a party last year even though he doesn't remember that most of his children were there.

The best part of the person that my grandfather has become is the innocence is his demeanor and behind his eyes. Before, there was a shadow of a man who had fought hard in two wars and had come back to a life that was not something he was used to. He was a loving man, and always made you feel special, but he was distant. You could tell there were things within him that he would never tell you, even if you begged. Now however, he will tell you just about everything he remembers. Sunday, as I was driving back from San Antonio, we stopped to see him on our way out. It still makes me laugh to think about the things he was saying to me.

Gpa:Did you know my birthday is coming up? I'm going to be 83! I can't believe it!
Me: yes, grandpa, I knew. I'm your granddaughter, I know a lot about you.
Gpa: You are? That's great!
Gpa: I want to have a birthday party for my birthday, I think it's May 24. You should come! You seem nice!
Me: how are you doing? Are you doing alright?
Gpa: I could go for some coffee, they have some coffee back there, ya know?
Me: Oh, I didn't know.
Gpa: Yeah, I'm not supposed to have any, but they have some back there.
Me: would you like some coffee?
Gpa: OH sure!

It would sure be something to be able to take in the simple things in life, like birthday parties, and coffee without constantly being reminded of all the things in your life that are causing stress or demanding your attention. Seems like lately I've been making lots of promises to try and be better at this or that, I think what I really need to do, is slow down, and enjoy the simple things in life. Whether it be dinner with my girlfriends, or playing with my dogs, or even sitting with a man who doesn't remember who I am, but is still excited to see me....just taking time to slow down and enjoy this moment, this very moment in my life will pull all the other things together.

So, to my 5 friends who read this blog (there may be more random people out there) I give you some of the simple things in my life that I'm going to slow down and really appreciate.
This is Wilson. He's 5, almost 6. I enjoy him because he's the most loving dog in the world!

This is Bailey. She is my first love! She's the sweetest, and most beautiful dog I have ever seen! And she happens to be the most spoiled dog on the planet!
This tree was planted shortly after my grandfather (not the same as above) was buried in 1985. It started as a small tree that was new, and fresh. Today, it towers over all the other trees at Fort Sam Houston Cemetery and provides shade not only for my grandfather, but also for all the soldiers and family members buried around him. I took time to appreciate this "simple thing" on Saturday when we stopped to visit his grave. I'm going to keep this picture close to me so that when things start getting out of control in my life again, I can time to stop and appreciate this tree again.

"By living one day at a time, you live all the days of your life"

Life's Too Short...

So, Sunday evening, my mom tells me that my cousin called with bad news. As it turns out, her husband has brain cancer. And as the story continues to unfold we've learned that the cancer has spread over his entire body. His approximate life span is 2 months. He's refusing chemo and just wants to wait out his time, doing things that he enjoys.

I haven't really talked about it, because I haven't known what to say. I'm not good with serious situations, I never have been. I'm good with light hearted situations and things that in the end don't change the way you view life forever. My mom, grandma and I are going to head down to see him in the hospital either today or tomorrow and hopefully will enjoy a nice long visit with him, knowing in the back of our minds it very well might be the last time we see him alive.

After hearing the news of my cousin's husband, I was hit with the realization that I often take my days and my moments for granted. I've never slowed down long enough to think "What if I don't wake up tomorrow? What will my life say about me?" Sure, when other people have gotten sick or left us too soon, I've paused and pondered the meaning of life. But I've never held onto the lesson I learned very long and I've always managed to go right back to living my life 1,000 days at a time always thinking ahead and never stopping to enjoy the moment. Sure, I live my life in moments that take my breath away, or so I would like to think. But the problem is, I smoosh all the moments together until I get about a year's worth of them together and then, THEN I take a minute to appreciate them.

The sad truth is....life's too short to squish all your moments together. Life is too short to never think "What if I don't wake up tomorrow?" We should think that. Not because we're morbid and obsessed with death, but because we're mature enough to realize that any day could be our last and every day is worth cherishing. The fact of the matter is, we've hit that age where our friends could find out they have cancer or some other terminal illness. Although rare, it's more common for people in their 30's to be hit with life threatening diseases than people in the'r adoloescent years. (I realize I'm not in my 30's yet...but hey, I'm close). A friend of mine went through a crazy illness not that long ago. It turned out to be some kind of something they've yet to determine, but it left her in the ICU for days. At the time, I told myself that I would make a better effort to see her more and to talk to her more often. I think I've seen her twice since then, and the talking...well we don't talk as often as I'd like. But this is exaclty my point. Things always happen where we think "I'm going to be a better friend" "I'm going to tell them that they matter to me" and then we do for a week or so and we're right back to taking life for granted again.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm not saying I'm going to be good at living, really LIVING each and every day of my life. I'm saying that life is too short for us to forget that we should truly L I V E each day of our life. Life is too short to not call your friends and to not plan dinner dates with them. Life is too short to plan 1,000 days in advance. Plan for today. Plan for tomorrow. But stop there. Make plans you can appreciate and not ones that you go through routinely. Enjoy the plans you make. Enjoy the time you have with your friends and loved ones. The bottom line is that one day it may be the last day you spend with them. And the hard part is that it's hard for us to know the majority of the time if it is the last day we will see them. Life is too short to pretend like bad things don't sometimes happen to good people. And life is too short to not cherish every moment of every day.

"But friendship is precious; not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life, and thanks to a benevolent arrangement, the greater part of life is sunshine. "
-Thomas Jefferson

When I Grow Up...

So when I was younger (like in my high school days), I was a pretty decent writer. I don't even remember getting a grade lower than an A on any paper that I had to write. But clearly, something has happened. I've lost my vocabulary, spelling abilities, and writing wit. It's like I'm drowning in 5th grade grammar and 8th grade language! It's quite embarrassing to be honest, and I want my eloquent writing skills back! Granted, a blog that everyone can see on the internet might not be the best place to display my writing talents, but it's got to be a good start, right? RIGHT?

Belle is a writer. Like a for real, wants to get published and be famous some day, writer. I want to be a writer. Not because I want to get published and be famous some day, but because I have stories bouncing around in my head all the time. And the more I listen to Belle, the more I want to write them down and create a great work of fiction. (Again, without the fame and probably spiral bound by the machine downstairs in my office).

But maybe I'll start with this blog. I can spruce it up...it definitely needs it and I can start trying to get back the skills that apparently left me with that 20,000th beer I had in college. I don't know what I would write about on my blog that would be different than what I normally talk about on here, but good golly miss molly something has go to be better than what I usually hit on now!

I think I'll first take pen to paper and try to "plot" out something worth writing about on there first. If it's good enough, I'll post it on here and everyone can tell me how terrible it is and I'll go back to blogging about Jessica Simpson and TI.

"even the best writer has to erase"
- spanish proverb

I'm just spending all my time erasing....that's all.

It's about dancing in the rain....

There are moments in life that absolutely take your breath away. Sometimes it's a memory, or a place that you've been to before. Sometimes it's a song that takes you back to a specific memory or time in your life. And sometimes it's an old friend that you weren't expecting to hear from.

All of these things at one point or another have taken my breath away.

Although I live in a "big city", I find that my breath is taken away by the beauty of a Dallas sunset on a regular basis. And often times, as I'm driving to work with the sun rising, I'm reminded that I am a much smaller part of this world than I generally perceive myself to be.

My life has a soundtrack to it and often times, I'm stopped in my tracks by a song that takes me back to a certain summer or specific year of my life that makes me pause and think about where I was the first time I heard that particular song, or why that song means so much to me. I will forever remember being a little girl and listening to "In My Life" by the Beatles with my daddy. And then following that up with several years of singing it together at the top of our lungs. I will forever remember the moment "Crash" by Dave Matthews Band became one of the most important songs of my life, even if I never share with everyone why. I will always remember the night that I was introduced as Mrs. instead of Miss and twirled around the dance floor with the person I plan to spend the rest of my life with.

I will always remember the moment I watched a plane crash into the World Trade Center before heading to school my senior year. Although I was too naive and ignorant to grasp the ramifications of what was about to happen, I will always remember the feelings I had when those images were being shown on TV. And I will always remember my friend's faces as they too found out what had happened.

Today I was rendered breathless again, although I'll choose not to admit why. And it reminded me that those are the moments I live for. Whether they leave me feeling happy or sad doesn't matter, what matters is that my life is still being lived in moments that take my breath away.

Although memories, old friends, places and songs are not always the happiest of memories, I will continue to live my life hoping for moments that take my breath away because those are the moments that show us who we really are. That remind us that we are alive and that we are capable of loving, being loved, and showing emotion. Sure there are memories that we'd rather not remember, or songs that maybe hold a little too much memory for us, but in the end, life is about the journey. It's about the moments of sadness and happiness that come together to create a journey. A journey that lasts our lifetimes and continually takes turns that we never expect. So today, I'm thankful for the moments that take my breath away. Good, bad, and otherwise.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's learning to dance in the rain"