To say that 2009 was a bad year would be an understatement. It seemed like everything just kept coming at me and there was no way to take a breath before the next thing hit. It was almost like constantly being under water and not being able to find a float to pull yourself out of the water. No lifeguard. No one walking near by to save you. Just you. And the water.
I was not sad to say goodbye to 2009. Sure, it was another year of my life that I was grateful for because I was alive and my family was healthy. My friends were amazing as they always have been, but it wasn't the kind of year that I would ever wish on anyone. I know a lot of my friends went through and are still going through some similar sufferings and this suffering has only made our bond of friendship that much stronger. I'm grateful for that.
I thought 2010 would be a new start. A fresh new look at the world without all the pain and suffering of 2009. Today is day 15 of 2010 and I'm already feeling overwhelmed, under water, and panicked.
I recently took on some additional roles at work. While they're not necessarily stressing me out, in and of themselves, the stress is definitely more significant than it was before. I was glad to accept the challenge and I'm still glad to be working on it and doing what I do, but I'm finding myself having a hard time focusing on what I need to focus on and finding my groove within both positions. It's proving to be more difficult than I thought it would be and that in and of itself is adding to the stress.
This week started off with making a $7,000 payment to a heating and A/C company because both our outside and inside units needed to be replaced. We're still not 100% sure why this was the case, but we've got new units and so far there is a noticeable difference. If nothing else, the units were old and needed to be replaced. This took all the money I was saving to go to Maui this year. We've only got another year or two of travel time before the babes get here (we're not trying yet, but we've got a plan) and so this year was going to be the year for Maui! Next year, Alaska!
Looks like this year will be the year for stateside travel, or road tripping through Texas instead of big fancy vacations. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make, but it sure would have been nice to go to Maui!
I think all of these stresses added together are creating the perfect storm. I feel utterly overwhelmed and exhausted. I have literally tried to think of plots and actions that would take me away from my life for a little while. Albeit not healthy, it's made for some amusing drives home.
I'm ready for some relief. I don't know yet when or where this relief will come from. I'm thinking I'll start with the gym. That always seemed to work in the past. But I hope that eventually I am able to find balance in my life again. I'm also hoping to become enlightened this weekend and find my path to peace and balance and all that is calm :)
"Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm, and harmony."
Thomas Merton
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