Older than my obvious years

 

I think I'm older than my years give me credit for. I think that my soul, or my inner being, or whatever you want to think is occupying this shell of a body, is much older than the body it inhabits. Why do I think these things, you ask? Well, mostly because of my ability to connect and interact with people older than me, and because, I've just kind of always thought it might be possible that my soul was older than me. 

My entire life, I've never had a hard time talking to people who are older than me. Not even significantly older. It's always been kind of easy. Sure, when I was younger, I wanted to talk about me and only me, but as I've grown older, I'd like to think that I've learned the best way to communicate with different people about different things. I am still show my immaturity, or lack of wisdom that comes with years of life, but I think for the most part, I'm a lot older than my years give me credit for. Maybe it's just a weird vibe that I'll always have, or maybe it's because generally, I'm nice, no matter who you are, but I think I might always feel like I'm an old soul....even when my body catches up. 

This one isn't necessarily related, but I like it. 

"Everything is based on mind, is led by mind, is fashioned by mind. If you speak and act with a polluted mind, suffering will follow you, as the wheels of the oxcart follow the footsteps of the ox. Everything is based on mind, is led by mind, is fashioned by mind. If you speak and act with a pure mind, happiness will follow you, as a shadow clings to a form."

-Buddha

To sew or not to sew....

I have a small fetish with sewing things. The only problem is, the only sewing machine I ever use is my grandmother's and that requires going to her house. BUT last night, one of my very dear friends gave me a sewing machine!! GAVE IT TO ME!!! I couldn't be more excited! I can now finish the quilt I've been working on and hopefully make some other fun stuff!!! I'm so excited. I wanted to pee in my pants last night, but I refrained. :)

Here's to many happy hours behind the sewing machine! And fun stuff!

slow and steady wins the race?!

 ....this is my new work out technique....thoughts?

Welp friends, it's been a slow start. But, baby steps are still steps. And in my case, they're mostly in the right direction.

I started running yesterday and last week I made it to both pilates classes. I plan on going tonight although I've got a pretty raging headache. Anywho-- the point is, I'm trying. I went to pilates. We got the treadmill set up this weekend so I ran on that last night and plan on running on it again tomorrow -- tonight if I don't go to pilates. Also in my spare time last night. I went to the grocery store and got most of the ingredients on week 1's menu. Should be interesting to say the least.

Anyway -- that's all I've got right now. I'll keep you posted!

"Listen closely: the only time it's too late to change yourself is when you're dead. Until then, you're simply making excuses or lying to yourself."

A friend like her....

This morning, my best friend's husband told me that my best friend and I fight more than a married couple. While, it seems unfunny and hard to imagine...there are times when we get into little spats. I wouldn't necessarily call them fights, but whatev.

They seem to happen most when we don't see each other for long periods of time. I think that it's because we don't want to admit that we miss each other, so we just get irritated with the other one.

But despite the fact that we get into spats and "fight more than a married couple" I love her. She's often my rock in times of squish. My light in the darkness. The wind beneath my wings. The apple of my eye. My diamond in the ruff. All those silly things we all say about someone at some point. If I had more than one soul mate, she's definitely the girl counterpart to my husband.

Even though we go through hard times, I know she'll always be there for me. I know she's my best friend through thick and thin, through good times and bad.

I hope each and every one of you have a friend like her.

"A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it back to me when my memory fails"

a little help from Mother Teresa...

Mother Teresa had the following words written on a wall in a children's home in Calcutta, India. The words are adapted from Dr. Kent Keith's Pardoxical Commandments.

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self centered.
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may acuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you.
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight.
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough.
Give the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.

at what point do you get a break!?!??!

ever notice that it  seems like no two parts of your life can be in happiness at the same time?
I know at some point, things were good in all aspects of my life. I loved my job, I loved my friends, I loved my family. Lately though, it seems like if I love my family too much, my friendships suffer. Or if I love my job too much my family suffers. And if I like my friends too much, my job suffers. It just seems like this never ending stabbing that I can't overcome.

It's like the universe is constantly keeping score for me and if my score gets too high, it slaps me back down saying "no, no, no, you're not allowed to get that high." It's so frustrating!

On top of all this, I've been feeling very insecure with myself lately. I feel like I'm not measuring up to what I'm supposed to be, not only professionally, but personally too. I constantly feel like I'm letting someone down and not doing what's best for the universe. It's so exhausting. Last night I literally cried myself to sleep because I could not come up with a better plan. things from the day were weighing heavily on me and I got into a fight with one of my most treasured friends. It was just a rough night. I was already feeling worn down by the day and the events of the week but last night it felt like it all came to a head and all I could do was cry. Normally, crying is a release. A release of stress and pint up anger that floods from my eyes and makes me feel better. Last night, it was the opposite. It was like I was crying because I had no way out of a bottomless pit. I just keep falling.

Maybe this doesn't make sense to anyone, or maybe it does. I'm not really in the mood to figure out if this is going to be an enlightening post or not. Just had some things to get off my chest I guess.