(broken heart - Cheryl Shibley)
I'm kind of a bleeding heart.
I take things more seriously than I should, probably.
I hold grudges.
I expect too much from the people I care about.
Let me explain a little further...
I'm not good at being friends with some people. I feel like I put myself out there and don't always receive the same in return. I have some friends who I don't have to see all the time, because when I do see them, there's a mutual respect and affection for each other and we know that we care about each other. And honestly, it's like I talked to them yesterday. I have 4 or 5 friends in my life like this. I consider them my close inner circle. I consider them family.
I have friends who I feel like are in a circle that requires more nuturing and attention than other relationships I have. These are the ones I'm not good at. See, the thing is, if the relationship requires more nurturing and more caring, then somehow in the crazy mix of things, I require more nurturing and caring. And when I don't get that, I start to hold grudges. It kind of makes me feel like a 4 year old, but whatever. If you can't voice it on your blog, where are you supposed to voice it right? I have some friends who I've shared a lot of excellent memories with. But then somewhere along the line, something happened and a rift grew between us. The suckiest part of these 4 friendships that I'm thinking of in particular is that we had mutual friends. The biggest suckiest part of these is that in two separate cases, it seems as though the mutual friends and said friend have gotten closer and are now much better friends and I kind of feel left out in the cold. Most days, it doesn't bother me. If my friendship to them isn't seen as valuable and worth fighting for, than what's the point in feeling I should fight for it, right? But some days, it kills. Some days, it makes me feel like I wasted years of my life working on something that was never going to pay off. I know, I know, friendships aren't supposed to pay off, but shouldn't you gain something from the relationship? I mean, if you don't, then what's the point in being in the relationships? We're selfish creatures, and we're always looking for something that makes us feel better about ourselves, brings us to that next level in our life. And if friendships just aren't doing it, then what's the point in still being friends?
I expect too much from relationships in my life. I fall hard for people and I get my feelings hurt severely when something changes in our relationship. I know this about myself and yet, I'm helpless to change it. I still desperately want to cling to those relationships in the hopes that something will change and things will go back to the way they were 2, 3 years ago.
When I say my heart aches, I mean, my heart aches.
I'm kind of a bleeding heart.
I hold grudges.
I expect too much from the people I care about.
I cling to things that are hopeless.
"We always thought we'd look back on our tears and laugh, but we never thought we'd look back on our laughter and cry."
2 comments:
You're a great friend but sometimes stuff just changes! You should feel bad or guilty or anything.
I'm about to cut a friend loose, she's so different and I'm just not interested in being friends with someone who always expects the easy way to work out. Friendships are hard.
You know, I know this is old, and probably overused (and therefore cheesy), but it speaks true whenever I find myself going through this.
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON...It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. Sometimes they die. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. Your need has been answered, and now it is time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON...It is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
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