Today, I received an email from a very dear friend telling me that her family friend who has been battling Stage IV breast cancer for the past year has probably taken a turn for the worse. She began having seizures last night and hasn't stopped today. She's unconscious and last she heard, had not regained consciousness.
Having been barely a month since Preston's passing, I know what she is going through. The fact that there are no words that will comfort her or her family, or the family of the mother, grandmother, who is on the verge of leaving this world, makes it 10x more difficult for me to hear. I want to tell her that it's for the best. She'll be at peace. Unfortunately, the people who are not at peace will be her family. My friend's family and the family of the one who passes are going to be completely distraught after this. The pain will feel never ending. I'm been fortunate in my life, an Preston was the first person close to me that I've lost. I've lost friend's parents, and other friends, but never someone that I felt personally close to. (Minus an aunt who passed away 5 years ago). The last time I lost someone before last year, I was in a pretty good depression and unfortunately didn't know how to grieve and instead pushed away. When I lost my nephew last year, I was the strong one who was there for each member of my family but not allowing myself to grieve much either. And right before that when my grandfather passed away, I was able to mourn him in peace because I knew that his battle had been long and he'd lived a long, happy life that most people don't often get.
But with Preston, it was different. How do you justfiy the ending of a 29 year old's life? How do you rationalize that it was best for Preston? And I'm having the same mixed emotions about my friend's family friend. How is it okay for her to pass on when she has young grandchildren and three beautiful daughters who so desperately don't want to lose her? Sure, it's the circle of life, but why can't it be a more peaceful circle? Why do people have to go through these extreme battles only to lose the fight?
I know that often we find ourselves weeping not for what we lost, but for what we loved so dearly. I know that her daughters and my friend's family will cherish the memories they made with her and will cling to those in these next few days and weeks of difficulty. But it doesn't make it any easier, nor does it make it fair.
But I guess they say "life's not fair"
it just sucks that it's not fair in this way....
love you pal. Hang in there.
miss you P.
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