I keep thinking back on all the classes I've taken in my life, all of the studying I've done, and all of the things I've crammed into my brain. And of all that, none of it is meant to help you deal with the loss of someone you love. None of it. There are no prep courses for it, there are no courses to take afterwards to learn how to deal. Sure, you can talk to a therapist or someone close to you, but it's not the same. It's healing in a different way. In the end, it's still you who has to put in the work and you who has to learn to grieve in your own way. It's unfair. It's totally unfair. And we're just stuck. Floating through life and having to experience these incredibly painful events so we can learn and grow and find our way out of the grief and back to the normalcy.
I read a story today about a young couple who met in college. After settling down together and making a life for themselves, they found out that one of them had a very rare form of cancer. You can read about most of it here. But the jist of it is this...at 25, she lost the one person she loved more than anything in this world to a cancer that couldn't be defeated. The salt in the wound? He died six weeks after they got married. When I read the story and watched the videos that are attached, my heart sank. 6 weeks. 6 weeks of wedded bliss and part of that was spent in the hospital, with her husband's organs shutting down one by one.
It's hard to lose those we love who are in their 60s and 70s. Even in their 50s. But to lose your husband at 25? Unimaginable. I respect her and commend her for her bravery and courage to go through such a difficult time with a positive outlook and beautiful smile. And I pray that she finds happiness again.
Life is so incredibly short. It can literally fade from you in an instant. Whether it's a battle or something that comes naturally while you sleep, it only takes a matter of seconds for you to depart this world. I think I take that for granted on most days. I float through life with a nonchalant attitude and think that I'll be here tomorrow and the next day and for the next 25 years. But the truth is, I may not. And that's hard to swallow. Even more so when I think that my husband may not be here for the next 25 years. The remedy? I'm not sure. I could say something cliche like 'live life to the fullest' but what does that even mean? Instead, I'm going to live my life the way I think I should. And if that means spending all my money on things I want instead of days I may not see, so be it. If it means calling my husband 12 times a day just to hear his voice, so be it. Each of us has to find our own happiness and our own way to live our lives.
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
- Mark Twain
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