Well poo....

So I kind of sort of forgot that I am supposed to be updating my loyal 5 readers on the progress of the weight.

Well folks, it isn't great this week. I kind of sort of fell off the wagon. It was a busy weekend followed by a busy week and that just stinks. BUT there is light at the end of this very dark tunnel.

A friend of mine who happens to be a nutritionist wrote a pre-diabetic diet plan for me! (BIG SMILES!) I do a lot better when I have something to follow so I think this is really going to help me get on the right bandwagon and on the healthy path.

Also, we're purchasing a treadmilll this weekend so that will help too! YAY big smiles again!

So this time next week, expect a better report. I will not let you down!

Random Thursday Thoughts

1. It's totally cool that the Rangers lost last night because I have every reason to believe that they will bring the series back to Texas and beat the crap out of the Yankees. They deserve it, and the Yankees can suck it. 
2. Vitamins taste like poop. I don't like put them in my mouth and let them melt or anything, but for the 2.5 seconds that they are in my mouth, they taste like poop! I hate it! Why can't they taste better? And  no, I don't want to take the gummies or Flinstones. They taste bad either way. I'm not lowering myself to gummy standard. 
3. I think things are picking up in life. I think good things are afoot and it's exciting! 
4. I'm seriously tired of being on antibiotics, but thankfully, I'm almost done. 
5. I've worked out twice in two days and it felt good. I'm going to keep rolling with this work out thing I think. I know, two days not very impressive, but hey, two days leads to 200. :)
6. Today's is Colleen's birthday. I wish we lived closer so we could get together for lunch or something. 
7. Going to Arkansas this weekend. Mixed emotions. Hopefully sis in law's sorority is filled with nice, non-judgmental girls!
8. I really hope lots of kiddos show up to Trunk or Treat next weekend. The hubs and I are part of a 6 person leadership team for it and if it doesn't go well that will SUCK!!!
9. My grams is the best! She made a poodle skirt for me for said trunk or treat. Yesterday she tells me "It looks really cute. I did a really good job" made me giggle. 
10. I sure am tired today. I slept well, but the hubs got up at like 4 and that seriously puts a damper on your morning. Thank goodness for Mt.Dew at 7:00AM!

Discrimination.....is it really 2010?

First, I'll apologize that all three of these articles are from CNN. Normally, I do a much better job of getting things from different places, but CNN is my first choice and these were all on there this morning -- so sorry.
Read this. Read this. Read this.

Here's my problem with article #1 - Mexico did "occupy" the Southwest United States before it became the United States. I'm not sure how teaching a class that focuses on that America is necessarily teaching children to support Mexico and not the US. How is it different than teaching Texas history in middle school? Texas was once it's own country -- should we stop teaching that so that Texas students don't get the wrong idea and end up trying to revolt against America and secede? That sounds kind of silly, now doesn't it? I don't see how just because a state has a large Hispanic population, and teaches some classes that give more history about Mexico, it's causing a problem. Don't they deserve to know about their heritage the same as the white kids who learn about the small-pox bearing English that came over and started the colonies? Obviously Arizona has been in the lead when it comes to illegal immigration crackdown, and while I'm not saying that illegal immigration is the right path, I don't see how teaching them a class about Mexico's history prior to the formation of the United States is going to push them into some kind of riot mentality. Dear Arizona: you're dumb.

Here's my problem with article #2 - being gay doesn't mean that you're a bad leader. And it certainly shouldn't mean that you are not allowed to participate in your son's chosen club. If the Scouts are really concerned with teaching the boys values, then I think they should re-evaluate their values. I highly doubt the dad was trying to convert the boys to homosexuality. From what it sounds like, he was merely trying to sell popcorn. I have a hard time believing that the dad's sexual orientation affected his leadership in any way. And I have a hard time believing that in 2010 we still have such hateful, prejudiced organizations. Not to mention their response which I think was rude and blatantly offensive. Dear Boy Scouts of America: you've officially lost my vote and future support. Grow up.

And here's my problem with article #3 - SERIOUSLY AMERICA? Why is this even still an issue? Being a homosexual doesn't mean that you can't be the best solider there is. It doesn't mean that you're any less of a human being, or that you're going to go to war simply to hit on all the male/female soliders you can find. I know from personal stories of friends that the hook-ups over there are crazy. Insane even. Everyone together for such long periods of time only naturally leads to people hooking up....it's to be expected. So, if the military is worried about anything, maybe they should be worried about female soldiers getting impregnanted by male soldiers -- male soldiers who might have wives and families at home. Or why don't they worry about soldiers passing diseases back and forth amongst themselves? That seems like more of a concern to me than whether the hook-ups are same sex or oppopsite sex. I think that the government appealing this is blatant discrimination and I'm honestly embarrassed that we're still dealing with issues like this. At what point do we say "it's enough!" Homosexuals are not second class citizens and they deserved to be treated the same as you and me. It shouldn't matter who you love or whether you're attracted to boys or girls. What should matter is the type of person you are. And if you're gay, and you're brave enough to serve in our military, to protect MY freedom....then I think you have every right to be there. If you're a dingleberry who is putting people in harm's way rather than saving them....well, then we should talk. Dear America: GROW UP! Homosexuality does not make you less of a person nor does it mean that you shouldn't be allowed to serve in our armed forces. Men and women VOLUNTEER to go over there. Unless you're willing to go, I suggest you stop trying to put restrictions on who can and cannot serve......plus, you're making us look like a bunch of dumbasses.

discrimination -

treatment or consideration of, or making a distinction in favor of or against, a person or thing based on the group, class, or category to which that person or thing belongs rather than on individual merit: racial and religious intolerance and discrimination.

I hope and pray that more people will see that there is blatant discrimination happening right under our noses and start standing up for the people who are being discriminated against. It's 2010. Don't you think we should start acting like it? 

Going through changes.......

It's probably not a surprise that my life is in somewhat of a changing pattern lately. It's funny because I always say that I'm not the best with changes, but the past year or so has been nothing but changes. Changes in job, changes in life planning, changes in family, changes...changes...changes....

I guess it's naive to think that you can stay in one place for a long time and be impervious to change. Eventually, time catches up to us all and change happens whether we're ready for it or not. It seems as though the time in my life where there is protection from the storms is over and now, there will be more life challenges and more life lessons ahead. Althought it's a change I'm not 100% keen on accepting, I know that I have to whether I want to or not. The brutal truth is: life gets more difficult as you get older; not easier. Decisions get harder, friends get tougher to lose, and friends get harder to hold onto. I guess it's simply the facts of life.

So, I'm making a mental change to compliment all the changes I can't seem to avoid. I'm going to embrace change rather than shriek from it. I'm going to accept the fact that the carefree days of my youth are over and now it's time to be an adult and face adult problems head on. (pause: did anyone think of those stupid head on commercials just now? I totally did!) I'm going to love the ones I love more than ever because the one change I now is inevitable is the change of life into death. It will happen to all of us. That's why it's so important to cherish the moments we have with the ones we love. Hold them close and tell them how much they mean to us at every opportunity. Have fun. I'm going to stop worrying about the future so much and remind myself that the future will get here when it gets here. Obviously, I'm not going to quit working on my nest egg or plan for a life of never retiring, but there are changes that can be implemented that allow fun and saving at the same time. I'm going to change my opinion about weird things and be more open minded. Like to eating awkward foods that I don't think belong together! Or to trying out a new band or new fad that I didn't think I'd like. I'm going to try and say yes more and no less. And quit thinking that there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done. There's always time for what you want to do....somehow, you always manage to fit those things in.

I know I've hit on some of these before, but I'm really going to try and change my philosophy on life. I think it will help me emotionally, physically, and mentally become a better person. Change isn't always a bad thing.....change sometimes lead us to better. Here's hoping that change leads me down a path of enlightenment!


"Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure.  But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it.  Because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer."
  ~Shunryu Suzuki

Week 1 Report

Welp. Week 1 of being accountable for myself and my hamstermouse body was okay. Weighed in the same this morning as last week, but that's okay, but honestly, I could've done a lot better than I did and I know that going into this week.....so....this week WILL be better.

Not much else to say at this point so there is the update........Feel free to criticize! :) Happy Monday!

today has just been one of those mornings....

you know, the kind where for some reason or another different things are taking your breath away? Or something makes you pause and think....hmm, that's different. Today is kind of like that. Only today, instead of it being a moment of awe or something unique that's causing the pause, it's more things I've been missing and didn't realize I was.

I miss my aunt's goofy phone calls and birthday sing a longs. I miss the way she never failed to tell me I was beautiful even though for the past oh, 6 years of her life, she couldn't even see my face. I missed being forced to watch Spanish novellas because it was the only thing her TV seemed to tune to. I miss the huge stocking that she would fill with the most random crap every year for Christmas.

I miss my grandpa's smell. I miss his smile. I miss his bear hugs and his "hey darlins." I miss seeing his face light up when he would see my dad for the first time in a long time. I miss seeing my dad's face light up when he would see my grandfather for the first time in a long time.

I miss Preston's laugh. I miss his random storm update text messages with radar images attached letting me know where the storm is heading and when to take cover. I miss his random goofy comments that always seem to come at just the right time....when the day was at it's worst or life just seemed tough.

I miss them.

I guess the ray of light in this morning of seemingly miserableness is that I miss them, but I'm okay with it. I know that these memories and things that I miss about my loved ones are what remind me of them and are the things that I can hold onto day in and day out and know that I loved them and they loved me. Sure, it doesn't make up for the fact that they're not here to sing me happy birhday, or give me a big bear hug, or send me the perfect joke on the worst day.....but they are. If I close my eyes just tight enough, I can still see all of them. I can still hear their voices and I can sometimes pick up their scent. It's weird, but I feel like they're always here with me, even though they're not here for me to touch and feel.

I don't pretend to understand what is going to happen to us when we die. I do believe that this life, this body, is just temporary and that my soul will some how endure. I hope that my soul finds their souls in whatever type of afterlife there might be. It sure would be nice to see their faces one more time.


Life is eternal, and love is immortal,
and death is only a horizon;
and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.
~Rossiter Worthington Raymond

I just don't get it.....

I just cannot understand how people can support some Republican/Tea Party candidates. I'm fully aware that we live in a free country and people are allowed to have whatever views and opinions that they want, but sweet jebus some of these people are absolutely frapping insane!

Example one: Carl Paladino. He is running for Governor of New York and the dude is INSANE. He has said, and I quote, “I just think my children and your children would be much better off and much more successful getting married and raising a family, and I don’t want them brainwashed into thinking that homosexuality is an equally valid and successful option — it isn’t.” My personal beliefs do not allow me to believe that homosexuals cannot raise the same type of families as straights -- they can and they have. Second, heterosexual marriages aren't exactly a shining example of what should be--come on dude, the divorce rate is like 50% I think our kids deserve every opportunity to make that better, whether it's with a same-sex partner or not! Not only does he have  a whack position on homosexuals, but he also accused his opponent of having no family values because he took his children to a gay pride parade......but Paladino has a 10 year old son from an extramarital affair with his former employee--- not sure you should be the one on the soapbox preaching family values dude -- I think you're missing some of the message.

Example two: Christine O'Donnell. She's running for Senator in Delaware and she scares me. She had a conversation on MTV where she said that masturbation is adultery.....She supports abstinence but has a very colorful past, and apparently thinks that her opponent is a bearded Marxist...I don't disbelieve that she has probably dabbled in some things in her past and now realizes that she was wrong and is "born again". That's cool. More power to her. But don't try to preach on it to other people-- I hate that. I didn't watch the debates last night but I've heard that they were quite interesting. My favorite part of her campaign is that she is attacking the Dems on budget and finance issues, but apparently her personal finances are in disarray. I find it hard to believe someone is going to help the situation when they cannot and have not helped themselves. Those are just my personal opinions though and are not endorsed! :)

I dont think that Republicans are wrong or stupid or anything like that. I have some very intelligent friends who are Republicans. I don't think Democrats are the answer to everything either, and I understand that having both is a healthy balance for the country. But  I don't understand how these two are getting any support. They're just flat out dumb. Each person is entitled to their own beliefs, and opinions, yes, but good grief people....could you least calm down on the crazy a little bit and then run for office? I just wish that we could find some normalcy in these elections. Aren't there some average, middle-aged Americans who want to run for these positions instead of just the wack-os? Or am I alone there?

PS -- this was issue #3 from yesterday that I couldn't remember!!!! 

Some ranting and raving and a plea for your help...

Let's get the annoying things out there first:

1. I cannot stand people who cut other people off when they know the lay out of the road. Example: I have to get on the highway every morning to make it to work. In order to do so, I have to wait in a long line of cars to enter the on-ramp.  Some douchebags prefer to drive in the middle lane until the smallest of openings appears in the left lane and then they cut off everyone who has been waiting patiently to enter the highway. IT ANNOYS ME. Mostly because I see a lot of the same people doing it EVERY DAY. What makes you any more important than me? The fact that you know I'm not going to ram you because I don't want the claim on my insurance!? I HATE IT. And I want to flip them off but unfortunately I don't because it's early and I don't feel quite that bitchy yet. 
2. Bandwagon sports fans. As you know, our beloved Texas Rangers have made it past the divisional series and are now on their way to the next round of playoff games!!! WOOT WOOT! This morning as I'm warming up my yummy oatmeal, I hear someone say "Yeah, I'm a Rangers fan. I mean, the Cowboys aren't doing anything so.." Ok. First rule of sports talk....it doesn't make you a fan just because you've decided to watch them play in the playoffs. You are a bandwagon fan and you suck! I have watched the Rangers for YEARS. YEARS! and I have stood by them through good times and through bad (mostly bad, let's face it). But I AM a Rangers FAN and I can say that because I have been heartbroken with them and excited with them. You on the other hand, probably don't even know who plays what position! ASSHATS!
3. I had a third but I forgot it. Maybe I'll remember before the end of this post...

 Here's where I need your help all ye in internet land:
As most of you know because I know most of you, I am climbing 1,040 steps in honor of my friend Preston this January. (January 29, 2011 to be exact). I need your help! I would LOVE if you would choose to come walk with me and all of Preston's friends for this event. But if you cannot, then you can simply donate in his honor on my page! (sneaky, right?) I know that most of us are young and money is a precious commodity, but Preston was an amazing person and he deserves to live on in whatever ways possible. He believed in the work that the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society does and he supported our fundraising efforts for them. The Big D Climb is an event put on by LLS and all donations will be given to them. If you think you might want to donate, go to this page: http://ntx.bigdclimb.llsevent.org/tiffytrox. If you think you might want to commit to climbing 1,040 steps, go to www.bigdclimb.org and look around. If you choose to do so, sign up with Team KLOZW and team captain Derek Trabon. We'll be there and we know Preston will be at the top waiting for us. 

Still don't remember what rant #3 was...boo.  

FAT BABY MOUSE!

 

Now that I have your attention............so I'm currently in the middle of a recovery. Recovery from what may or may not have been strep throat and a deadly sinus infection. Okay, okay, not deadly like Deadliest Catch, but deadly to me. I feel like bunghole and I think that should count as deadly. So, for my purposes, it will. 

I posted the picture of the fat baby mouse (although I think it's a hamster) because I kind of feel like the hamstermouse lately. I don't think I'm as overweight as the hamstermouse, but definitely weight more than I need to or should. HARSH. Man, it's harsh to say those words out loud. 


Anywho....I cam to a revelation while lying on my couch for 7 days (not really 7, but like 5) while coughing out my insides and praying that my throat would stop burning so bad.....I need to live a healthy lifestyle. SERIOUSLY. Is it going to change the fact that I get 100 sinus infections a year? Well..maybe not that seems to be more anatomy than anything else, but it might help with the mental health, with the tiredness, and the general lull that I feel every day about this time. And hey, if nothing else, it'll get me into nice pre-baby shape so that when it is time for baby making, I can feel good about the body that my baby is going to live in for 10 months. 


So, here's what I promise to my 5 readers: I will update you once a week. I'm not going to tell you starting weight and all that (unless I get super skinny and then maybe) but I'll tell you if any pounds were lost that week and what I think I could've done better for the week. Deal? And what you do my faithful five is tell me where you think I should pay more attention. It's going to be a slow start pals, probably mostly eating habits followed by exercise habits, but we'll get there. I think this was the final wake-up call that I needed. I can't keep pretending like Taco Bueno is good for you. It's just not. No matter how you cut the cheese. (pun intended!:))


So.... I weighed myself this morning and it sucked. But so far, I've had a granola bar, some chips (bad robot) and 1/2 cup brown rice, 1/2 chicken breast and 2 spears of asparagus. Other than the chips, the day is going pretty well. I plan on having salmon and some veggie for dinner. Maybe couscous but probably salad or something. 

Anywho...I think Mondays or Sundays will probably be the day for updates. We'll just have to play with it and see how it goes. 


"For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza!"
Jay Leno
tee hee. Oh and if you're ever feeling bad about yourself google fat and click on images.....wow.

Not the brightest bulb in the box....

I'll admit it. Sometimes, I do stupid things. *gasp*. I know, it's unbelievable!

Sunday night was one such instance. You see, I was driving along, rocking out with the windows off and the breeze blowing through the Jeep. I was turning onto a side street heading to the gas station when I heard someone yelling at me to stop. So, I slow down, look around and try to figure out what the heck is going on. Turns out that a guy needed a ride down the street. For the sake of humanity, I'm going to leave out ethnicity here because it doesn't really matter. The root of the story is still the same.

Anyway, for whatever reason, I stop and decide to give the guy a ride about 1/4 a mile down the road. At first, I wasn't scared. I thought "people used to do this all the time, it's no big deal, it's just down the road." But then, my imagination got the better of me and I felt myself press the accelerator down just a little bit harder than I had been before. I feel my stomach tensing up and I can only imagine what my face must have looked like to the guy in my car. I start working through what I'll do if he mugs me. What I'll do if he pulls a gun out. What I can give him to save my life and make it home in one piece. I start working through every scenario. Which, of course, only scares me that much more.

Luckily, we get to the gas station and he gets out, and no harm is done. Whether he had intentions of harming me, I'm not sure. But, I'm safe and can continue with my life unscaved.

What disappoints me about this situation is not my stupidity in stopping to pick up a stranger who happened to be male. What gets me is that we live in a society where people are afraid to stop and help. We're afraid that the guy with the flat tire is really just doing it so he can pull a gun on us and take all our money. Or we're worried that giving someone a ride down the road will end in a mugging. We're too afraid to stop most of the time; at least, I know I am. So yeah, it probably wasn't smart to stop and pick up a strange male from the side of the road. I know that. I probably won't do it again because I did a pretty good job of scaring the ever living daylights out of myself. But it breaks my heart that we live in world where we're scared to stop and give someone in need of a helping hand.

They don't teach you this in elementary school....

To say that the last year has been hard is a gross understatement. To say that it's been unbearable is probably an overstatement although it's felt unbearable at times.

Last Wednesday, my friend Colleen found out that her mother's cancer is back. I've known Colleen for a while, but in the past few years, we have grown close and I've learned a lot more about her. I've had the pleasure of meeting her mom and stepdad, and they are truly magnificient people. Colleen is amazingly strong and loyal and although this is going to be the second toughest thing she's ever had to experience, I know that she will come through this a strong person.

What bothers me about this is that Colleen and I are the same age. And yet, we've lived completely opposite lives. Colleen lost her father when she was very young to a heart problem that may or may not have been caught sooner. And  now, Colleen is on the verge of losing her mother. Her only remaining parent. She will be an orphan at 27. I can't even pretend to understand what she is going through or to understand how she needs me right now or will need me in the future. All I can know is that I cannot take this away for her or make it any easier for her. I can just be. Just be there for her and tell her every second of every day how important she is to me and how much her friendships means to me.

My friend Janet recently lost a friend of the family to breast cancer. Although a lot of men and women survive their battles with breast cancer, the fate of Diane was not to be the same. From what I understand, she fought a hard battle. From what I know based on strories Janet and her sister have told me, she was an amazing woman. And from what I know by spending time with her daughters, she was an amazing mom as well. Although like me, Janet has dealth with difficult battles before, this was different because Diane did not come out of it the victor. Diane was laid to rest this past Saturday.

The thing that gets me about life is this: when it rains, it pours. I will admit that up until this past year, I had a fairly fantastic life.  I had a guy who loved me and wanted me to be his for forever more. I had amazing friends and family who stood by through anything and everything and helped me get through tough days so I didn't have to do it alone. My life hadn't been marked by tragedy. I hadn't experienced anything horrific. All in all, my life was grand. The thing about life though, it seems to kick you in the teeth when you let yourself get slightly too cocky. And boy did it ever.

I know that bad things happen to good people. I know that bad things will continue to happen no matter what I do in this life. I know that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". I understand that people live and people die. I understand that each person's life on this earth runs for a different amount of time whether it be 29 years or 54. I know that Diane and Preston are watching over the ones they loved and reaching out for us every day to let us know that they're still here even though we can't feel them.  I know that Janet will join them some day and will do the same for Colleen and her sister. And I know that the easy part of life is probably over from this point forward. That there comes a time in your life when the bad things seem to happen more frequently simply because time moves forward and you age. What I don't know, the thing I cannot grasp, is how to survive another year like this. Even another six months like this. I wish there would be a little bit more time in between the storms in our lives. Not so that we get too used to the good, but just so that we can be a little bit stronger the next time lightning strikes.