"celebrate we will for life is short but sweet for certain"
one of my all time favorite songs includes this verse. When I was younger, I knew that it meant I should "eat drink and be merry. for tomorrow we die" (same artist) but as I've gotten older, I've taken it to mean something different. Something more like: you never know when you or someone you love will take their last breath on this earth, so you should enjoy every single minute of time you get with them. Life is too short to dwell on bad things or arguments. We aren't given enough time to show the people we love how much we love them, so we should try to show them every day instead of waiting until their final moments with us. I know this is heading in the Debbie Downer direction, but stay with me.
This past week, my friend Colleen found out that her mom's stomach cancer was flaring up again and at this point, her mom is tired of fighting it. She's tired of being in pain and in hospitals, and she's done. Just flat out done. I don't know how one is supposed to respond to hearing that your mom no longer has the will to fight a terrible, terrible disease. Unforatunately, this hits all too close to home for both Colleen and I as we lost our dear friend Preston barely four months ago. I've known Colleen for several years, but our friendship didn't blossom until well after we met. I consider her a very dear friend and there are days, I'd be lost without her. She is stronger than she thinks she is and a gift to those around her. I know that my words are meaningless at this point, but I'm here and I don't know what more can be done other than that.
My friend Janet contacted me to hear more about Colleen's situation and to express her condolensces. As we began talking, she informed me that some dear friends of hers lost their almost 2 year old daughter the night before. LOST THEIR ALMOST 2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER THE NIGHT BEFORE. My heart stopped. If onyl for a second, my heart stopped beating and a small piece of it broke. I don't know Janet's friends who are having to endear such a terrible terrible trauma, but I know Janet. And I know that she associates with good, genuine, down to earth people and that if they were hurting, she was hurting. I know that we both know there are no words to describe the heartache we feel for them or for Colleen, but that doesn't mean that we don't try to console them in whatever way possible. I know Janet will be there for her friends because that's the kind of person she is. She stands by you through thick and thin and helps out wherever she can.
It's been almost four months since we lost Preston. I still can't delete his phone number from my phone. I still can't remove his friendship from Facebook. It's like it paralyzes me to think of him not existing. I know he's gone, but it's like having him in my phone or on my Facebook friend list keeps him here, with me. I know that someday I'll get a new phone or something will happen and his number will no longer be there, but I'm just not ready for that day.
I feel like little pieces of my heart keep chipping away with each passing month. And normally, there would be time for healing. I'd be able to sew it back up and heal it before another piece chipped away. So far, that hasn't been true these past 6 or more months. Is it possible for your heart to chip too much? For it to be so broken that it is beyond repair?
"celebrate we will for life is short but sweet for certain"
Be there for the ones you love. No matter what the circumstance. you never know when they're going to need you the most.
2 comments:
Jer was saying the other day how he and I had been lucky when we went through many years of not experiencing personal loss or having someone close to us experience loss. These days it seems like it's happening every time we turn around. I'm tired of the people around me suffering. I wish there was something I could do to change it.
I think all we can do is accept the fact that there are going to be more losses than not in our lives moving forward. And learn to focus on the love we have for each other....tell people we care about that we care and enjoy our time with them.....
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