did I say that I want you
oh if i didn't I'm a fool you see
no one knows this more than me......
heavy title, I know.
There are dates in time that sometimes we wish would never recur. There are moments we wish we would never have to remember and there are things we pray we can forget. but the dates keep coming, the moments are there and the things we want to forget linger.
2009 was a year that I desperately wanted to end and wanted to forget. However, in the months since 2009 has passed, things haven't been forgotten, and dates keep coming......
The year started normal enough, although I was stricken with just about every kind of random illness one person can possibly have. It was rough, but I managed to get through most of it. And then, the bottom fell out.
Starting in June, 2009 was a whirlwind of emotions and heartahe. First, we lost our beloved dog Abby. She had been around since I was in 5th grade and she was an amazing friend. I still miss her dearly.
August has been a hard month for a few years now, since the passing of my great Aunt Chia. (I know, weird name, but my mom couldn't say her name when she was little, so Chia came out!) To say that I miss her is a gross understatement, because there are some people who leave a hole in your heart when they pass. This August marks the 5 year anniversary of her passing and it's going to be just as hard as the past 4 years, I am sure. In August 2009, my grandfather passed away. August 10 to be exact. Some of you may remember because I wrote about my last few minutes with him and the clarity that he seemed to find as I was saying my final goodbyes. I can not believe it's almost been a year since that tearful goodbye between us. My heart still aches when I'm in San Antonio, at his house, or when my mind finds his face, but it gets a little bit easier every day.
In September, my world was changed forever. My sister was 6 months pregnant and in what felt like a heartbeat, she lost my sweet baby nephew. Wow. it's hard to say almost a year later. I will never forget the heartwrenching drive to the hospital, or the look on her face when I got there. And I most certainly will never forget the scream of terror that left her mouth when the doctor confirmed the worst. I do not want to believe that it's almost been a year because it feels like it was yesterday. I know that my sister's life was saved that day, and that's what helps me get through the tough days, but I can't help but be angry that he's not here. It just doesn't seem fair in the big scheme of things.
After September, 2009 is pretty much a blur. I can't remember much of what happened and I think part of my memories are blocked. I remember starting 2010 thinking that I was going to pull the ones I loved closer to me. I don't think I've done a very good job of that as of late, though. In my life, I've had the tremendous joy of having several friends who I consider family and who I lean on in time of distress. However, some of them I don't see very often, nor do I talk to that often. And it makes me sad and mad at the same time. Sad because I love them, and I miss them. And mad because I should be doing a better job of holding them close to me.
So, although some tough times are ahead for myself and especially my family, I'm going to work on pulling those I love closer to me. Letting them know that they're important to me and that I love them more than life. Because in the end, it's the family you have and the family you make for yourself that is going to pull you through tough memories, tough moments in life and years you wish you could forget.
There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all.
© SONY/ATV TUNES LLC;SONY BEATLES LTD
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